The sky is falling. The glass is half-empty. No dogs go to heaven.
Are the aforementioned statements true? Not that I'm aware, but that's not the point. Those points listed above illustrate the my new attitude toward life. Pessimism rules!
What's with the switch in mindset? How can a guy that predicted more success for the Kansas City Royals than most of their players abandon optimism so abruptly? Simply put, it works.
When news came out that the University of Nebraska was leaving the Big 12 for the in-all-ways-superior Big Ten*, I saw nothing but pain in the weeks ahead. I was sure such news meant that Texas would herd it's south division counterparts westward to the Pac 10 and that Missouri would follow the Cornballers to the Big Ten. As a result, K-State, KU, and the other remainders of the conference would be left with lucrative options like joining the Mountain West or slamming their collective faces into waffle irons. The picture was not a pretty one. (Unless you're a cannibal that also likes waffles, I guess.)
*This is what I gathered from Nebraska's press conference/board meeting/middle-finger-to-the-rest-of-the-Big-12 anyway. I still have a rough time giving the conference credit for academics when it has had 11 member schools for two decades.
This evening, all has changed. It has been announced that the University of Texas has turned down the Pac 10's offer to defy geography and join their conference. Thanks to a new television deal (which involves some sort of agreement that all money minted in Denver goes directly to Mack Brown*), the Longhorns have committed to sticking with the Big 12 . Like sheep (the money-hungry breed of sheep), Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech and Texas A&M are all now interested in seeing the conference survive, as well. It appears that the future of K-State will be much like the past. The conference survives (minus Nebraska and Colorado, subtractions which actually make it a much better basketball conference) and K-State doesn't need to attempt to craft a new rivalry with San Diego State.
*Note: Agreement details may not be factual.
You can credit Texas for saving the conference (but it was the logical choice, considering that Bevo will soon be eating caviar with his hay), or you can credit Big 12 commissioner Dan Beebe (but he really should have had something like this in place months ago). I credit my pessimism.
Moving forward, it seems that I need to expect the worst in order to see a hint of the best. As a result, I must strike all optimism that I have ever published in Writing form from the record. Instead, consider the following as my new outlook:
- The Kansas City Royals won't win a game the rest of the season. Zack Greinke will retire next week to become a professional fly fisherman and the following day general manager Dayton Moore will sign Jose Guillen to an eight-year, $100 million contract extension. Promising prospects in the minor leagues will never see the field for the Royals, as owner Dan Glass will sell all the minor league affiliates for roll-back prices.
- The Kansas City Chiefs will look promising in the preseason, but will struggle once the real games arrive when Todd Haley decides to coach with the "size does matter" attitude. Every starter for the Chiefs will weigh over 300 lbs. While they'll struggle in the finesse areas of the game, they will lead the league in chicken wings eaten on the sideline.
- K-State football will see hard times when coach Bill Snyder takes his focus on mentoring a step too far, suiting up area middle schoolers on the defensive line and in the offensive backfield.
- In hoops, Kansas State will enter the season with some valuable postseason experience. Unfortunately, success won't follow when they focus on incorrect aspects of victories. Because they wound up winning the overtime-thriller against Xavier, K-State will foul on every 3-pointer opponents attempts. Also, taking beard fearing too far, K-State administrators will force Wildcat cheerleaders to use Rogaine in their cheeks.
- In my personal life, my roof will cave in, my car will explode, and the next time I ask a girl out, she'll laugh so hard that she'll fall into a coma.
There you have it. Life stinks, pessimism rules.
The next few months will be lousy. (And by that I mean great.)
Are the aforementioned statements true? Not that I'm aware, but that's not the point. Those points listed above illustrate the my new attitude toward life. Pessimism rules!
What's with the switch in mindset? How can a guy that predicted more success for the Kansas City Royals than most of their players abandon optimism so abruptly? Simply put, it works.
When news came out that the University of Nebraska was leaving the Big 12 for the in-all-ways-superior Big Ten*, I saw nothing but pain in the weeks ahead. I was sure such news meant that Texas would herd it's south division counterparts westward to the Pac 10 and that Missouri would follow the Cornballers to the Big Ten. As a result, K-State, KU, and the other remainders of the conference would be left with lucrative options like joining the Mountain West or slamming their collective faces into waffle irons. The picture was not a pretty one. (Unless you're a cannibal that also likes waffles, I guess.)
*This is what I gathered from Nebraska's press conference/board meeting/middle-finger-to-the-rest-of-the-Big-12 anyway. I still have a rough time giving the conference credit for academics when it has had 11 member schools for two decades.
This evening, all has changed. It has been announced that the University of Texas has turned down the Pac 10's offer to defy geography and join their conference. Thanks to a new television deal (which involves some sort of agreement that all money minted in Denver goes directly to Mack Brown*), the Longhorns have committed to sticking with the Big 12 . Like sheep (the money-hungry breed of sheep), Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech and Texas A&M are all now interested in seeing the conference survive, as well. It appears that the future of K-State will be much like the past. The conference survives (minus Nebraska and Colorado, subtractions which actually make it a much better basketball conference) and K-State doesn't need to attempt to craft a new rivalry with San Diego State.
*Note: Agreement details may not be factual.
You can credit Texas for saving the conference (but it was the logical choice, considering that Bevo will soon be eating caviar with his hay), or you can credit Big 12 commissioner Dan Beebe (but he really should have had something like this in place months ago). I credit my pessimism.
Moving forward, it seems that I need to expect the worst in order to see a hint of the best. As a result, I must strike all optimism that I have ever published in Writing form from the record. Instead, consider the following as my new outlook:
- The Kansas City Royals won't win a game the rest of the season. Zack Greinke will retire next week to become a professional fly fisherman and the following day general manager Dayton Moore will sign Jose Guillen to an eight-year, $100 million contract extension. Promising prospects in the minor leagues will never see the field for the Royals, as owner Dan Glass will sell all the minor league affiliates for roll-back prices.
- The Kansas City Chiefs will look promising in the preseason, but will struggle once the real games arrive when Todd Haley decides to coach with the "size does matter" attitude. Every starter for the Chiefs will weigh over 300 lbs. While they'll struggle in the finesse areas of the game, they will lead the league in chicken wings eaten on the sideline.
- K-State football will see hard times when coach Bill Snyder takes his focus on mentoring a step too far, suiting up area middle schoolers on the defensive line and in the offensive backfield.
- In hoops, Kansas State will enter the season with some valuable postseason experience. Unfortunately, success won't follow when they focus on incorrect aspects of victories. Because they wound up winning the overtime-thriller against Xavier, K-State will foul on every 3-pointer opponents attempts. Also, taking beard fearing too far, K-State administrators will force Wildcat cheerleaders to use Rogaine in their cheeks.
- In my personal life, my roof will cave in, my car will explode, and the next time I ask a girl out, she'll laugh so hard that she'll fall into a coma.
There you have it. Life stinks, pessimism rules.
The next few months will be lousy. (And by that I mean great.)
No comments:
Post a Comment