Monday, September 17, 2007

Random Thoughts from a Random Mind

Who exactly determines whether or not someone is awarded style points? Is there some sort of official council? And what good are these style points? Can you buy things with them?

So the Chiefs spend a 5th-round draft pick on kicker Justin Medlock, and then cut him after one game? Who do they sign to replace him? Dave Rayner, who happened to lose the competition to be Green Bay’s kicker. Who did Rayner lose out to? Former Colorado Buffalo Mason Crosby, whom the Chiefs could have drafted instead of Medlock in the first place. What does this all mean? I think it’s probably just another sign of a potentially long season.

So Willie Wildcat is a New England Patriots fan? At Saturday’s game, the opening “skit” involved the premise of Willie’s summer vacation. It included green-screened pictures of the K-State mascot superimposed in places like sandy beaches, colorful mountain ranges, and even the moon (I guess I missed the “First Mascot to the Moon” headline in the newspaper). Seemingly out of place among all these actual locations was a picture of Willie in front of a black background, with just a Patriots logo on it. Apparently he is a big Randy Moss fan… That or he has yet to realize that the Pats cut former K-Stater Chris Canty years ago.

Is it sad that I was excited by a commercial for the television show “The Unit” simply because star Dennis Haysbert has gone back to his “Pedro Cerrano” look? I’ve never even watched the show, but I can only hope it involves him saying, “Hats for bats. Keep bats warm.”… Yes, I realize only two other people may have any clue what I’m referring to.

Is K-State football coach Ron Prince a WWE fan? The 2007 K-State football pregame features music that includes the theme songs of Shelton Benjamin, Scotty Too Hotty, and John Cena. I’m now hoping the ‘cats will starting taking the field to the ominous sounds of The Undertaker’s music… Wait, I mean, I’ve never watched wrestling. I wouldn’t know what any of those songs sound like.

Congratulations to Jordy Nelson for re-writing a couple K-State single-game receiving records. Not bad for a former safety who was so deep on the depth chart his red-shirt freshman year that there could have been a lifeguard on duty.

If there’s one commercial I’m ready to quit seeing, it’s the one advertising the Blue Man Group’s upcoming performance at the Expocentre. If Tobias Funke is not involved, I’m not interested.

This short (for Derek) collection of thoughts will end with the depressing NFL fact of the week. The Cleveland Browns scored 51 points on Sunday. In comparison, the Chiefs have scored 45 points… so far this season… Did I mention that includes the four preseason games they played in?

Sorry for the short entry, but I’m off to find some antidepressants.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

A Listing Impression

The recent announcement of Damon Huard as the starting quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs was not a much-anticipated event in my household (is that the right term for a single guy in an apartment? Apartmenthold? Bachelor pad... hold?). In all actuality, it has brought forth a somewhat crippling depression, which may take weeks to recover from. Nevertheless, I am opposed to pessimistic tendencies, and therefore refuse to focus on negatives.

As a result, I decided to come up with a list of things that I have less confidence in than a Huard-led NFL team. With my mind in “list-mode,” and rankings becoming the rage these days (watch for Best Damn Sports Show’s Top 50 Inane Comments By Best Damn Sports Show Personalities, coming soon on Fox Sports), I went ahead and came up with some other lists, as well.

Please keep in mind that all lists were compiled by a top-notch staff (rabid muskrats wearing eye-patches) using the most sophisticated methods modern technology can offer (a pre-owned game of Connect Four). On to the lists…

Five things I have less confidence in that a Huard-led NFL team
5. Buddy Bell’s ability to make sensible managerial decisions on consecutive days.
(Ooh, cheap shot. I know Buddy’s resigning at the end of the season. Sorry, but the fact that Tony Pena Jr., was used as a pinch hitter two nights ago boggles my mind.)
4. My ability to flip through four national news channels without seeing a story on one of Oscar’s Ladies.
(If you’re confused by the Oscar’s Ladies term, please refer to previous blog entry.)
3. Jim Ross’ ability to get through an entire WWE broadcast without saying, “With God as my witness, he’s been broken in half!”
(… I mean, no, I’ve never spent any time watching pro wrestling.)
2. My ability to successfully maneuver a starship primarily used for smuggling through an asteroid field.
(A little Star Wars reference for two of the four people that read this. According to a certain gold-colored protocol druid, the actual odds of such a feat are 3,720 to 1… I’m glad I’m not a negative person.)
1.A Josh McCown-led NFL team.
(McCown is currently set to be the Oakland Raiders starting QB. See, things could be worse.)

Four least favorite Royals players of all time
4. Albie Lopez
(Plenty of things went right for KC in 2003… he wasn’t one of them. I’ve never had less confidence in a pitcher coming out of the bullpen. His 12.71 ERA may have had something to do with that.)
3. David Howard
(A reserve infield that couldn’t hit, couldn’t field, but had an uncanny knack for chewing tobacco. For some reason the Royals thought he could be their starting SS in 1996… he hit .219 for the season.)
2. Chuck Knoblauch
(The once-promising second-baseman followed up a sub par year in New York by racking up a .584 OPS (those of you unfamiliar with OPS, just beware that .584 is horrid) out of the Royals’ leadoff spot.)
1.Neifi Perez
(For Jermaine Dye? Honestly? I think that trade shortened my life…)

Three favorite moments from HBO’s Hard Knocks 2007
3. Any time Gunther Cunningham spoke.
(Sensitivity is definitely not one of his strong suits. He should probably be mic’d up for every single game…. Granted, games would then be rated M for mature, but who can argue with entertainment?)
2. Bernard Pollard’s dancing exhibition.
(I was fully expecting a member of the Chiefs roster to miss the next game due to a “getting served” injury (and if you haven’t seen that South Park episode, you have no idea what I’m referring to… I’m comfortable with that).)
1. Casey Printers’ reaction to getting cut.
(I wasn’t for Printers’ getting cut. I enjoyed watching him in the pre-season (aside from the botched snaps) and was pulling for him to make the squad. Nevertheless, his “Making chicken salad out of chickens***” reference nearly had me rolling on the floor. I just hope the Chiefs have some chicken salad ready for Sunday.)

Two things I really don’t understand right now
2. The NFL kicking off it’s Thursday night season opening game with the musical stylings of… Faith Hill? Is she attractive? Yes. Does her music echo from the ipod of the typical football fan? I’d lean toward the negative on that one. Next thing you know, the NFL will have Aerosmith, N’Sync, and Britney Spears perform at halftime of the Super Bowl… oh, wait…)
1. This –
(Honestly, I really can’t put my lack of understanding into coherent sentences. I’ve tried, but it all comes out in pops and buzzes. The “K – STATE” chant could work, but that is sans the video, music, and the Tarzan jungle yell.)

One Thing I know for sure
1. Despite any attempts at creating “new traditions, the Wildcats should roll over San Jose State this Saturday. Granted, my predictions are always horribly inaccurate (like an archer with glaucoma) but that’s never stopped me before. Cats win 41-10.