2010... I remember it like it was just (insert appropriate number of days ago here)

Previously on the 2010 year in review: Lies were told, John Locke hunted a boar, Cylons disguised themselves as humans, and Jack Bauer went yet another hour without a bathroom break. (The Writings: We're confused already.)

July
The Kansas City Royals traded starting second baseman Alberto Callaspo, starting outfielders Scott Podsednik and Rick Ankiel, and relief pitcher Kyle Farnsworth. Royals fans everywhere were quite disappointed that the Royals seemed to be giving up on their present roster... Then Royals fans everywhere remembered that their present roster had been slightly less successful than the Bad News Bears in the first hour of their film.

August
Survey data was released that showed New York, New York (the city so nice they named it in rather lazy fashion) was the U.S. city with the worst bedbug infestation. Travelers worried, exterminators rejoiced, and people were advised to refrain from collecting used mattresses left out on the street. I'm suddenly worried about the hobbies of the American public.

September
Lady Gaga was a winner eight times over at the Video Music Awards. She accepted her final award while wearing a dress made entirely of meat. Yes, meat. I have yet to confirm whether the final award was for "The Strongest Indication of the Impending Apocalypse."

October
The Kansas State football Wildcats surrendered 14,326 rushing yards* to the Nebraska Cornhuskers, but bounced back a week later to beat the Kansas Jayhawks 59-7. Thus, the month seemed to proved two points. 1. Momentum does not exist in college football. 2. KU is lousy.

*Number is approximate.

November
Gebregziabher Gebremariam won the New York Marathon. His winning time was 10 minutes less than the amount of time it took sportscasters to figure out how to pronounce his name.

December
The Chiefs clinched a berth in the NFL Playoffs by winning their 10^th game of the season. The Chiefs had won 10 games over the
three previous seasons combined. This, dear readers, is what some might call a “Festivus Miracle.” I can think of no better note to end this Writing on.

Go Chiefs!

2010... I remember it like it was four days ago

The year 2010 is literally history and I say good riddance.

... How's that for a gripping lede? It's not true in the slightest, but it grabs attention, no? Actually, I can't complain about the year 2010. Like most, it had ups and downs. Like many, it involved both laughter and tears. Like nearly all, it did not contain a single awkward encounter with another person or odd incident that I might later write about... Scratch that last one.

Obviously there was a lot that happened in 2010. Let's catch up. Here's part one of the year in review, January - June.

January
"January was the first month of that year. It began on a Friday and ended after 31 days on a Sunday. It was the first month of the 2010s." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/January_2010

Thank you, Wikipedia, for the truly insightful summary. I think we've covered it. On to February!

Okay, fine. James Cameron's Avatar, released in Dec. 2009, continued its success at the box office on its way to grossing more money in the U.S. and Canada than any film ever. Many who saw the film were in awe of the breathtaking 3-D visuals. Those who weren't spent the entire film wondering what the hell happened to the Smurfs. 


February
Americans everywhere sat in wonder while watching the majesty of the Winter Olympics on television.

… Wait, I worded that incorrectly. Let’s try again.

Americans everywhere sat wondering why programming that could actually be deemed “entertaining” did not appear on their televisions. Instead, they were subjected to Olympic events that encourage the development of Arctic snipers (the biathlon) and obsessive-compulsive igloo cleaners (curling).

Apologies to the Shaun White Fan Club, but we at The Writings are firmly anti-Winter Olympics. If this means I’ll never have a chance to win a gold medal in Inebriated From Nog Christmas Caroling, so be it.


March
The K-State basketball team competed in one of the greatest basketball games that I have ever witnessed, topping Xavier in a double-overtime thriller in the NCAA Tournament. The game featured more momentum shifts than a teen’s first attempt at driving stick-shift and may have taken a few years off of my life in the process. Whatever the case, it was worth it.

Yes, another excuse to show highlights from the game.

April
Kentucky Fried Chicken began selling the Double-Down chicken sandwich, which is basically two hands full of fried meat, plus cheese and a "secret" sauce. To date, the value meal does not include a defibrillator.

May
The author made a relatively monumental move (for the author), changing jobs for the second time in his working life. The move was initially viewed as a good one and, eight months in, said opinion remains unchanged. It’s true, much like his last job, few people actually realize that his job does not involve writing on a full-time basis, but for the sake of the reading public, that’s probably for the best. After all, newspapers would probably frown on a basketball game story that veers into an off-topic discussion of a fan that made a free throw to win more than $100. The frown would probably turn into a sneer when the fan’s celebration, which involved raised arms and healthy gut hanging out from under a criminally small t-shirt, was recounted in infinitesimal detail. The aforementioned sneer would most likely evolve into an unfriendly request to begin looking for a new job when the author ended the story with the comment, “Guess who can now afford a bigger t-shirt!”

June
Flirtation became the trend in major college athletics* as Universities across the country sent "Do you like me? Check 'yes' or 'no,'" letters to conferences that they did not currently reside in. The end result (phrase "end result" used very loosely, as any conference could crumble at any moment) left those who previously felt they had a strong grasp on things like counting and geography utterly confused. You say there's 12 teams in the Big 10 and 10 teams in the Big 12? And the folks in Colorado - a landlocked state unless you consider Wyoming an ocean of nothingness - are now in a conference named for the Pacific Ocean while the Texas Christian football team's nearest league rivals will be in Kentucky and Florida?

*And academics. Yes the academics played a HUGE role in conference realignment. HUGE. After all, you have to be pretty good at math to be able to count the money Nebraska was being offered to join the Big 10.

College sports: if they ain't broke.... Nope, that doesn't work.
College sports: if they're already broke, see if that sledge hammer will fix them.

2008 - The year that was (because if it wasn't, we'd be in a pickle) -- Part two

At long last (after two whole days!), it's the second part of The Writings second-annual year in review. We here at The Writings beg your forgiveness for making this a two-part entry. I'm not one to normally point fingers, but all ten of my hand digits are pointing at my personal assistant.

What's that? I don't have one?

Then blame the intern.

No intern either? What type of shoddy organization is this?

Oh well. Lack of anyone to provide the author with a semblance of organization aside, 2009 has officially arrived. What lies ahead? Who knows. Maybe an army of cloned cycloptic gorillas will invade the western seaboard. I hear they're fans of the nice temperatures and fresh seafood.

Dastardly primates and 2009 events aside, we still have 2008 business to attend to. Particularly, picking up where we left off in part one of what many critics (me, when I was half-asleep) have called the most comprehensive summation of a year's events ever conjured.

--------------------

September 2008-
The 2008 presidential race hit high gear, as both major party's national conventions were completed by early September. The one-on-one battle led to a bevy of campaign ads hitting the television commercial breaks. As both candidates attempted to prove the other was not fit to be president (you know, rather than just saying why they should be) little was held back. Leading up to the election, reasons cited may or may not have included:
- candidate x is too old;
- candidate x is an elitist;
- candidate x is a muslim;
- candidate x is too hot-headed;
- candidate x was sent here from another planet to bring the destruction of our society and pave the way for Jupiterians to raid Earth;
- candidate x eats puppies when he's feeling blue;
- candidate x once starred in an adult film under the stage name Randy Pheeling;
- candidate x wears white after Labor Day;
- candidate x enjoys the movie Slam Dunk Ernest.

October 2008-
On October 15 the inaugural Global Handwashing Day took place. As one should be able to infer from the day's name, the event promoted washing hands around the globe to prevent disease.

I understand the importance of this in nations that may not be as well off as ours, but I'm hoping it's not just a one day celebration for those here in the states... Especially the folks at the Burger King down the block.

November 2008-
History was made with the presidential election, but the event probably deserves a recap by someone who doesn't occasionally refer to professional wrestling in his writing.

In other news, Ron Prince was informed that he'd be welcome back at Bill Snyder Family Stadium in 2009... as long as he had a ticket. With Prince no longer leading the program, it was time to scour the nation to find fresh talent to take over... or time to go and ask the guy down the hall if he was interested in coming back. Coaching legend Bill Snyder accepted the position by the end of the month, and since that time has assembled a coaching staff that gives the program immediate hope. Granted, starting quarterback Josh Freeman has decided that he prefers earning paychecks to cracking textbooks, but there's still an excitement around the upcoming season that has not been present for a few years.

Only 246 days until the season opener.

December 2008-
Children everywhere were disappointed when Santa Claus' sleigh was side-swiped as he tried to parallel park in New York. Santa was not injured, but the sleigh was damaged and rendered inoperable, meaning tikes around the globe went toyless for the holidays. Although he was unavailable for comment, word is that Santa has vowed revenge on the hit-and-run driver, and will spend the year collecting coal that will be used to bombard the offenders house next Christmas eve.

Remember kids, the lyrics "so be good for goodness sake" aren't just a hokey suggestion. They're an order.

Don't cross the Claus.

2008 - The year that was (because if it wasn't, we'd be in a pickle) -- Part one

As I write this, we are mere hours away from bidding adieu to the year 2008. What does this new year really mean?

It means calendars everywhere will be rendered obsolete.

It means millions of people will waste valuable seconds correcting themselves when they accidentally write or type 2008 instead of 2009; seconds they could be using to read some Writings... and then close their web browsers in either disgust or confusion.

It also means that you will see "year in review" articles and programs just about everywhere you look. They will be more prevalent than awkward conversations with people you barely know during a trip to the local market. You will see so many rehashes of 2008 that you'll feel like you've gone ventured to the past in a time-traveling phone booth (or a Delorean, if you prefer). By the time February hits, you'll be so sick of hearing about 2008 that you'll consider holding Punxsutawney Phil hostage to get the madness to end.

With that said, I really can't think of a better segue into the second-annual The Writings Year in Review.*

*Editor's note: We at The Writings do not condone groundhognapping.


January 2008-
The year started off in fine fashion for the author, along with thousands of others that bleed purple. (Figuratively, not literally. I do not know whether my blood type is B-positive or O-negative, but I do know that it's not "O-crap-how-did-my-blood-get-this-color"). On January 30, the K-State Wildcats topped the Kansas Jayhawks at Bramlage Coliseum, marking the first time such an event had ever occurred. It was a magical night in the Little Apple, as Michael Beasley led the 'cats to the 84-75 victory.

February 2008-
Daniel Day-Lewis wins an Academy Award for his uncanny ability to make the idea of drinking milkshakes both comical and creepy at the same time. There Will Be Blood was nominated for eight Academy Awards, but received no recognition for Best Alternate Title - There Will Be a Long, Long Story About Drilling for Oil... Make Sure You Visit the Restroom Beforehand.

March 2008-
India defeats Australia in cricket to win the Commonwealth Bank Series. The American reaction is dizzying. Millions blink in response. Others offer confused looks and ask the nearest person how people can train crickets to play sports.

April 2008-
The NFL Draft took place, and popular opinion was that the Kansas City Chiefs were one of the most successful teams in selecting draft picks over the two-day period. Eight months later, 14 losses would prove that popular opinion means about as much as a bit of catnip in a tiger attack. In effort to properly demonstrate cause-and-effect relationships to young fans, the Chiefs also traded defensive end Jared Allen (15.5 sacks in 2007). They ended the 2008 season by setting an NFL record for fewest sacks by a team in a season (10).

May 2008-
May lasted 31 days, as is custom.

... What? That's not news?

Also, the Phoenix lander arrived at Mars... unfortunately, minutes after landing, it remembered that it had left the front door unlocked at home.

June 2008-
Ice landed yet another blow in the ongoing conflict with the author, cracking his windshield in the midst of a severe hailstorm. Attempts to strike back by the author were rendered moot when grocery store personnel prevented him from unplugging all the freezers in the frozen food aisle.

... jerks.

July 2008-
A trip across America's northern border was largely uneventful until news arrived that the author was officially an uncle. While ideas of hitchhiking back to Kansas as quickly as possible were considered, responsibility won the battle and the new uncle waited until his work was done before heading homeward. Upon being introduced, the newest addition to the family turned the author into putty in her diminutive hands in approximately 0.7 seconds.

August 2008-
The NFL preseason began and the every third word spoken by NFL broadcasters was some form of "Favre." It was like every sportscaster had come down with some sort of wacked-out version of Tourette's syndrome. Unconfirmed reports (made up by me) even said that the NFL was considering changing the name of the sport it competes in from football to Favreball.


--------------------------

Alas, outside forces* will not allow me to complete the year in review in one Writing. Stay tuned for part two.

*Outside forces include - but may not be limited to - deciding on New Year's Eve plans with seven-and-a-half hours left in the the current calendar year. Who says I don't plan ahead?