Saturday, June 26, 2010

Best. Movie. Ever.

I have seen the finest the world of film has to offer. It's name?

Dinocroc vs. Supergator.

This Syfy original contains all the wooden acting, horrible CGI, and lame attempts at drama that one person could handle. For a guy that takes great joy in watching the worst of the worst in the world of movies, this one provides just what I'm looking for. Need a taste? On a tropical island, a photographer character just engaged in an improptu photo session with two busty blonde bimbos. Three clicks of his camera later, one of the beasts for whom the film is title leaped out of the stream he was conveniently standing next to and devoured him whole. Naturally, the two blondes had the expected "look at each other and scream and then run away screaming even more," though their stale acting kind of made it seem like they were running to get a free Girls Gone Wild t-shirt. Minutes later, the sequence ended when - again as expected - one of them tripped and was soon torn in half*. Naturally, instead of running away while her friend was food for a fictional beast, the other lady stood watching and screaming. She was soon dessert.

*The description is a very loose fit, as the horrible CGI illustration made the whole thing look a bit like something out of a remedial Photoshop class.

 A couple other things that make this movie great:

- A character called "The Cajun" that has no semblance of a Cajun accent.

- A scent where a giant gator, running on its hind legs, is chasing a jeep, and a woman watching from afar says "Is that it?" Who knew it would be so hard to identify a supergator?

Simply put, this film should win every award ever rewarded. Even those that have nothing to do with movies. It is that remarkable and you must see it.

... Now I just have to figure out how to tell the difference between Dinocroc and Supergator.

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