I saw an ad today for the Buxton Palm-Sized Wallet. This amazing product is made of genuine leather and "fits in the palm of your hand!" This is amazing, since my wallet just fits in the palm of my hand*.
*You'll notice that my wallet doesn't merit an exclamation mark for being palm-sized. What a piece of junk.
The ad for Buxton's Palm-Sized Wallet (BPSW for those who enjoy acronyms) caught my eye not because it features an accordion-fold interior with plenty of room for eleven credit cards (although, of all folds named after musical instruments, the accordion is my favorite); not because of the exterior ID window pocket (although it would be convenient to be able to remind myself of my identity without having to actually open my wallet up); and not even because it has the Buxton assurance of quality*. No, the BPSW ad caught my interest because of a line toward the end stating, "Ask how to get the Buxton Palm-Sized Wallet in brown or red..."
*When was the last time a company as renowned as Buxton let you down? Think about it.
Up until this point, I had little interest in the BPSW. Aside from the tear in the top and the fact that it could potentially fall to pieces at any point, my wallet suits me just fine. I paid little interest to this commercial, since I knew it was a product I did not need. This all changed when I discovered I could ask how to get the product in different colors. Who doesn't love variety? With a TV Drama-like twist at the end of their ad, the Buxton folks not only provided information that the BPSW is available in more than just standard black, but they provide a cliffhanger in that you have to call to find out how to attain such alternate colors.
The suspense is killing me.
Odds are that to get the alternate colors all you really need to do is ask for them and the Buxton folks are just trying to pique curiosity of those who are feeble-minded like myself. Nevertheless, I like to think that there's a chance that the operators in Buxton Land have more interesting journeys in mind for those that wish to attain these color-splashed versions of the BPSW. Consider the following:
1. Call the Buxton folks at their 800 number to inquire how one might be lucky enough to get a BPSW in an aesthetically pleasing shade of red or brown.
2. As instructed by the operator, walk outside, find a hobo and tell him that you liked him better before he was corrupted by the all-mighty dollar.
3. Duck the punch the hobo attempts to knock you out with.
4. Run.
5. After escaping the murderous rage of the hobo, find a shubbery and unearth its roots.
6. Transport the shrubbery to the nearest park. Plant it there, and then run tiny laps around the plant until you are dizzy enough to fall over.
7. Fall over.
8. Upon regaining your equilibrium, go to the nearest store that sells art supplies. Buy one bottle each of red and brown acrylic paint.
9. Take the bottles of acrylic paint home, mix the pain together in a mason jar, and the paint a picture of a brownish-red (or reddish-brown) Palm-Sized Wallet on the screen of your newest television.
10. Take a picture of your newly-painted television with a digital camera.
11. Email the picture of your television featuring the BPSW artwork to the folks at Buxton. Include your name, social security number, and credit card information in the email.
12. Destroy your digital camera.
13. Upon receipt of your digital picture, SSN, and credit card information, your information will go through an approval process (estimated to take 6-8 months) during which time you might notice unusual charges on your credit card statement. Ignore these.
14. Once your emailed information is approved, an operator will contact you. When this occurs, you will have six minutes to recite the alphabet backward, name all state capitals in alphabetical order, and answer three trivia questions about William Howard Taft's teenage years.
15. Pass the six-minute test and, just like that, you'll have your choice of a red or brown BPSW... If they have any in stock.
*You'll notice that my wallet doesn't merit an exclamation mark for being palm-sized. What a piece of junk.
The ad for Buxton's Palm-Sized Wallet (BPSW for those who enjoy acronyms) caught my eye not because it features an accordion-fold interior with plenty of room for eleven credit cards (although, of all folds named after musical instruments, the accordion is my favorite); not because of the exterior ID window pocket (although it would be convenient to be able to remind myself of my identity without having to actually open my wallet up); and not even because it has the Buxton assurance of quality*. No, the BPSW ad caught my interest because of a line toward the end stating, "Ask how to get the Buxton Palm-Sized Wallet in brown or red..."
*When was the last time a company as renowned as Buxton let you down? Think about it.
Up until this point, I had little interest in the BPSW. Aside from the tear in the top and the fact that it could potentially fall to pieces at any point, my wallet suits me just fine. I paid little interest to this commercial, since I knew it was a product I did not need. This all changed when I discovered I could ask how to get the product in different colors. Who doesn't love variety? With a TV Drama-like twist at the end of their ad, the Buxton folks not only provided information that the BPSW is available in more than just standard black, but they provide a cliffhanger in that you have to call to find out how to attain such alternate colors.
The suspense is killing me.
Odds are that to get the alternate colors all you really need to do is ask for them and the Buxton folks are just trying to pique curiosity of those who are feeble-minded like myself. Nevertheless, I like to think that there's a chance that the operators in Buxton Land have more interesting journeys in mind for those that wish to attain these color-splashed versions of the BPSW. Consider the following:
1. Call the Buxton folks at their 800 number to inquire how one might be lucky enough to get a BPSW in an aesthetically pleasing shade of red or brown.
2. As instructed by the operator, walk outside, find a hobo and tell him that you liked him better before he was corrupted by the all-mighty dollar.
3. Duck the punch the hobo attempts to knock you out with.
4. Run.
5. After escaping the murderous rage of the hobo, find a shubbery and unearth its roots.
6. Transport the shrubbery to the nearest park. Plant it there, and then run tiny laps around the plant until you are dizzy enough to fall over.
7. Fall over.
8. Upon regaining your equilibrium, go to the nearest store that sells art supplies. Buy one bottle each of red and brown acrylic paint.
9. Take the bottles of acrylic paint home, mix the pain together in a mason jar, and the paint a picture of a brownish-red (or reddish-brown) Palm-Sized Wallet on the screen of your newest television.
10. Take a picture of your newly-painted television with a digital camera.
11. Email the picture of your television featuring the BPSW artwork to the folks at Buxton. Include your name, social security number, and credit card information in the email.
12. Destroy your digital camera.
13. Upon receipt of your digital picture, SSN, and credit card information, your information will go through an approval process (estimated to take 6-8 months) during which time you might notice unusual charges on your credit card statement. Ignore these.
14. Once your emailed information is approved, an operator will contact you. When this occurs, you will have six minutes to recite the alphabet backward, name all state capitals in alphabetical order, and answer three trivia questions about William Howard Taft's teenage years.
15. Pass the six-minute test and, just like that, you'll have your choice of a red or brown BPSW... If they have any in stock.
No comments:
Post a Comment