Monday, February 02, 2009

They're super?

Despite the fact that the Super Bowl game that was played on Sunday was one of the greatest in the 43-year history of the contest, all some people want to talk about is the commercials. That's right, instead of covering important things like how close the Cardinals were to winning or how strange it was to see Max Weinberg playing drums with Conan O'Brien nowhere in sight, they just want to talk about ads. 

Who am I to argue with them?

This may very well be the first in a series of Writings reviewing the video advertisements aired on Super Bowl Sunday. (It also could be the last in a series... Who am I to try to predict the future?)

Bridgestone: Hot Item
This commercial had a lot of promise... well, in my opinion, anyway. Anytime you can work some House of Pain into an ad, I'm all for it. Unfortunately, it forced me to turn against it 10 seconds in. Sure, it's fun to see the astronauts bouncing in rhythm to some early 90s beats rather than just testing out 3 irons, but Bridgestone ruins it all with the following "fine print" message down toward the bottom of the screen: "Professional driver on closed road. Do not attempt."

Really? We're to the point that we have to include that on an ad featuring a lunar craft? Sure it's a tire commercial, but you're still showing a moon car. I don't think normal "cover our butts" safety warnings apply. Twelve people have walked on the moon, some people don't even know we've been to the moon and yet we have to warn people about the rules of the cratered roads?

Sorry folks, but if you ever somehow end up on the moon - whether it's via NASA space craft, alien abduction, teleportation, or some form of conveyance even Steven Hawking couldn't wrap his mind around - it seems that you aren't allowed to tear around the lunar hills like the Dukes of Hazzard on pep pills. Sure, that moon buggy that you somehow ended up behind the wheel of is a pretty amazing piece of vehicular technology and there's not another being (especially one in a motorized moon vehicle) within approximately 238,855 miles, but you don't want to take any risks. Let's stick to riding the brake and using hand signals in the absence of turn indicators.


Fast and Furious: Trailer

It is trailers like this that make me wonder if the world would be better off if the aliens from Independence Day (how's that from an up-to-date reference?) brought their ships our way and obliterated every movie theater on the planet.

What's wrong with it? That's kind of like asking, "What's wrong with eating from the dumpster at the zoo?"

First, are there really that many people pining for another installment in this franchise? Yeah, I understand this one has "origina parts" because the cast of the original epic is back together. I'm sorry, I guess I missed the circulating of petitions to reunite the crew in wooden-acting bliss one last time.

Also, how does the removal of two determiners from a title (see title of original film: The Fast and The Furious) pass for the name of a sequel? Why subject your fans to this, when you could take the easy route of just tabbing a number on the end? (This would have to at least be The Fast and The Furious 14, right?) If that's not enough, you can pin cheesy tag line on after the number, like "Die Harder" or "Secret of the Ooze." (The Fast and The Furious 14: Running on Empty?)

Then again, it may be a fitting title. After all, it covers how quickly the movie will be out of theaters and on home video (Fast), along with the temperment anyone who actually pays the film will probably have after sitting through it for 15 minutes (... and Furious).


Doritos: Crystal Ball
This commercial seemed to draw the best reaction from the crowd I watched the game with. Advertisers out there (and I'm sure this blog is a "must read" for most) take note: the key ingredient to entertaining potential customers simple... some guy has to get hit in the groin.

Don't believe me? Perhaps you would like to hear it from one of the great minds of our time.

It works on so many levels.



No comments: