After a brief intermission to delve into the world of foolish ways to waste money, we're back with the second part of the Readers' Guide to the 2009 Royals. Can this sequel, and examination of KC's pitching corps, live up to the near mythical* level reached by the first? Read on to find out.
*Editor's note: In this case, "mythical" is used to relay the fact that a large number of people do not know, nor care, whether this even existed.
Zack Greinke - The most promising pitcher on KC's staff, Greinke is kind of like the Willy Wonka of baseball. (I realize that this sounds a bit nutty (pun semi-intended), but hear me out) Much in the same way Wonka closed his successful chocolate factory after suspecting that spies were stealing his recipes, Greinke shut down his baseball career in 2006. He had been a 20-year-old phenom in 2004, finishing fourth in American League Rookie of the Year voting, but 2005 was not so kind. Greinke led the AL in losses with 17 and allowed more hits than the first few opponents on Mike Tyson's Punch Out. During spring training in 2006, Greinke left the team. (Although not because he thought spies were stealing his chocolate bar recipes.) Greinke's future with the team was uncertain until he chose to begin playing baseball again with the Royals AA minor-league squad. He pitched out of the bullpen for much of 2007, but returned to top form last season. (For the purposes of this lengthy stretch of a comparison, one might say he "re-opened the factory.")
In one last ditch effort to defend my Greinke-Wonka comparison, you can be sure that they're both interesting quotes.
Gil Meche - Meche signed a five-year deal with Kansas City worth $55 million in December 2006. The deal was lambasted for much of the next five months. It was dogged as one of the worst in baseball... Until people realized that he's actually a pretty good pitcher. Meche, and All-Star in 2007, led the Royals to a win over the Red Sox in his first contest wearing Royal blue and has been a solid part of the rotation since then.
Brian Bannister - A thinking man's pitcher, Bannister has become known as a hurler who pays much attention the stats behind the stats. How often does he give up a hit when he has a count of no balls and two strikes against a batter? Which of his pitches gets tagged for home runs the most often? Bannister probably knows it. It's rare for a pitcher to pay attention to these details and his results have been mixed. As a rookie, he won 12 games and had an earned run average (ERA) of just 3.87. (meaning he would allow 3.87 earned runs if he pitched nine innings in a game... You should see how a team scores 87/100 of a run. It's crazy.) Alas, last year, Bannister's ERA ballooned to 5.76.
No matter how Bannister pitches, it's kind of a given that the Royals got the better end of the trade that brought him to KC. Why? Because this is the guy they gave up. Go Banny!
Kyle Davies - According to www.baseballreference.com, the pitcher most similar to Davies is Runelvys Hernandez, a former Royal who started a seemingly promising career in 2002. (It seemed promising enough that a certain Writings author purchased his autograph off eBay, thinking it might be a good investment.) Hernandez proceeded to essentially eat his way out of the majors. (Once listed at 205 lbs., he's now listed at 250 lbs.) But I digress. Davies finished 2008 with a very strong September and could play a key role in KC's rotation in 2009. Also, his actual first name is Hiram. Don't you have to root for someone named Hiram?
Luke Hochevar - The No. 1 overall pick in the 2006 draft, Hochevar is an interesting case because it's hard to figure out who decided to draft him. Former general manager Allard Baird was out the door by the draft, but Dayton Moore - hired just days earlier - did not provide input on the draft. One might not worry about pointing fingers, but the 2008 AL Rookie of the Year Evan Longoria and the 2008 NL Cy Young Award winner Tim Lincecum were both selected within the next nine picks. Sour grapes aside, Hochevar will compete for a spot in KC's starting rotation in 2009, but could also figure into the bullpen puzzle.
Horacio Ramirez - An apparent fan of barbecue, Ramirez played in Kansas City from May-August in 2008, before being traded to the Chicago White Sox. A free agent after the season, Ramirez signed back with the Royals over the off-season. I'm sure it had to be the KC barbecue that brought him back... It certainly would not have had anything to do with the $1.9 million they offered. This southpaw (left-hander for those who might be clueless when it comes to directionally inspired monikers) is expected to compete for a spot in the starting rotation.
Joakim Soria - The owner of the best nickname on the club, the "Mexicutioner" has become one of the top closers in baseball over the last two seasons. His 42 saves ranked second in the AL in 2008. He is also doing his part to bring back the Abe Lincoln-style beard.
Kyle Farnsworth - In what seems to be a case of "even if you can beat 'em, join 'em," Farnsworth signed with KC this off-season. Royals fans might remember Farnsworth as the Tigers' pitcher that went Hulk Hogan on then-Royal Jeremy Affeldt, slamming him to the ground in the midst of a bench-clearing brawl. Despite the fact that advanced numbers seem to show that Farnsworth is an average pitcher, the Royals signed him to a two-year, $9 million deal. I guess good fighters aren't easy to come by.
Ron Mahay - Often, it seems difficult to find much to say about middle relievers. Much like baseball umpires, if they're effective, they're often unnoticed. If they struggle, they're deemed worthless. Mahay is an effective middle reliever. He's also been an extra on a soap opera, according to his Wikipedia page. Either someone out there has entirely too much time and is updating Ron Mahay's page with erroneous information, or we've got ourselves a bit of Hollywood on the KC roster.
Jimmy Gobble - Gobble set a rather dubious team record in 2008, allowing 10 runs in a single inning. He also ended up with a cactus needle stuck in a big toe while in Arizona for spring training 2008. Overall, those two events alone make up for a pretty rough year. Here's hoping 2009 is more like 2007 for this lefty, when he put up a 3.02 ERA.
Doug Waechter - Waechter is yet another player new to the Royals in 2009. New enough that I know extremely little about him.... Crap... (*pulling up Wikipedia*) He played for the Albuquerque Isotopes, a minor league team whose name came direct out of The Simpsons lore. I cannot find any qualms with that. Nevertheless, a decision on whether he is a pitcher or a belly-itcher is currently not available.
Robinson Tejeda - The Royals picked him up mid-season in 2008 and Tejeda exceeded the expectations anyone may have had for him. He could potentially be the second-best reliever in the bullpen.
John Bale - Bale broke his pitching hand last season when he punched a hotel door. I suppose he has Farnsworth's back should any inanimate objects team up with opposing players in a brawl.
With that, you have your 2009 Royals. Now clear your calendar because spring training games begin on Wednesday. (That's "today" for some.)
*Editor's note: In this case, "mythical" is used to relay the fact that a large number of people do not know, nor care, whether this even existed.
Zack Greinke - The most promising pitcher on KC's staff, Greinke is kind of like the Willy Wonka of baseball. (I realize that this sounds a bit nutty (pun semi-intended), but hear me out) Much in the same way Wonka closed his successful chocolate factory after suspecting that spies were stealing his recipes, Greinke shut down his baseball career in 2006. He had been a 20-year-old phenom in 2004, finishing fourth in American League Rookie of the Year voting, but 2005 was not so kind. Greinke led the AL in losses with 17 and allowed more hits than the first few opponents on Mike Tyson's Punch Out. During spring training in 2006, Greinke left the team. (Although not because he thought spies were stealing his chocolate bar recipes.) Greinke's future with the team was uncertain until he chose to begin playing baseball again with the Royals AA minor-league squad. He pitched out of the bullpen for much of 2007, but returned to top form last season. (For the purposes of this lengthy stretch of a comparison, one might say he "re-opened the factory.")
In one last ditch effort to defend my Greinke-Wonka comparison, you can be sure that they're both interesting quotes.
Gil Meche - Meche signed a five-year deal with Kansas City worth $55 million in December 2006. The deal was lambasted for much of the next five months. It was dogged as one of the worst in baseball... Until people realized that he's actually a pretty good pitcher. Meche, and All-Star in 2007, led the Royals to a win over the Red Sox in his first contest wearing Royal blue and has been a solid part of the rotation since then.
Brian Bannister - A thinking man's pitcher, Bannister has become known as a hurler who pays much attention the stats behind the stats. How often does he give up a hit when he has a count of no balls and two strikes against a batter? Which of his pitches gets tagged for home runs the most often? Bannister probably knows it. It's rare for a pitcher to pay attention to these details and his results have been mixed. As a rookie, he won 12 games and had an earned run average (ERA) of just 3.87. (meaning he would allow 3.87 earned runs if he pitched nine innings in a game... You should see how a team scores 87/100 of a run. It's crazy.) Alas, last year, Bannister's ERA ballooned to 5.76.
No matter how Bannister pitches, it's kind of a given that the Royals got the better end of the trade that brought him to KC. Why? Because this is the guy they gave up. Go Banny!
Kyle Davies - According to www.baseballreference.com, the pitcher most similar to Davies is Runelvys Hernandez, a former Royal who started a seemingly promising career in 2002. (It seemed promising enough that a certain Writings author purchased his autograph off eBay, thinking it might be a good investment.) Hernandez proceeded to essentially eat his way out of the majors. (Once listed at 205 lbs., he's now listed at 250 lbs.) But I digress. Davies finished 2008 with a very strong September and could play a key role in KC's rotation in 2009. Also, his actual first name is Hiram. Don't you have to root for someone named Hiram?
Luke Hochevar - The No. 1 overall pick in the 2006 draft, Hochevar is an interesting case because it's hard to figure out who decided to draft him. Former general manager Allard Baird was out the door by the draft, but Dayton Moore - hired just days earlier - did not provide input on the draft. One might not worry about pointing fingers, but the 2008 AL Rookie of the Year Evan Longoria and the 2008 NL Cy Young Award winner Tim Lincecum were both selected within the next nine picks. Sour grapes aside, Hochevar will compete for a spot in KC's starting rotation in 2009, but could also figure into the bullpen puzzle.
Horacio Ramirez - An apparent fan of barbecue, Ramirez played in Kansas City from May-August in 2008, before being traded to the Chicago White Sox. A free agent after the season, Ramirez signed back with the Royals over the off-season. I'm sure it had to be the KC barbecue that brought him back... It certainly would not have had anything to do with the $1.9 million they offered. This southpaw (left-hander for those who might be clueless when it comes to directionally inspired monikers) is expected to compete for a spot in the starting rotation.
Joakim Soria - The owner of the best nickname on the club, the "Mexicutioner" has become one of the top closers in baseball over the last two seasons. His 42 saves ranked second in the AL in 2008. He is also doing his part to bring back the Abe Lincoln-style beard.
Kyle Farnsworth - In what seems to be a case of "even if you can beat 'em, join 'em," Farnsworth signed with KC this off-season. Royals fans might remember Farnsworth as the Tigers' pitcher that went Hulk Hogan on then-Royal Jeremy Affeldt, slamming him to the ground in the midst of a bench-clearing brawl. Despite the fact that advanced numbers seem to show that Farnsworth is an average pitcher, the Royals signed him to a two-year, $9 million deal. I guess good fighters aren't easy to come by.
Ron Mahay - Often, it seems difficult to find much to say about middle relievers. Much like baseball umpires, if they're effective, they're often unnoticed. If they struggle, they're deemed worthless. Mahay is an effective middle reliever. He's also been an extra on a soap opera, according to his Wikipedia page. Either someone out there has entirely too much time and is updating Ron Mahay's page with erroneous information, or we've got ourselves a bit of Hollywood on the KC roster.
Jimmy Gobble - Gobble set a rather dubious team record in 2008, allowing 10 runs in a single inning. He also ended up with a cactus needle stuck in a big toe while in Arizona for spring training 2008. Overall, those two events alone make up for a pretty rough year. Here's hoping 2009 is more like 2007 for this lefty, when he put up a 3.02 ERA.
Doug Waechter - Waechter is yet another player new to the Royals in 2009. New enough that I know extremely little about him.... Crap... (*pulling up Wikipedia*) He played for the Albuquerque Isotopes, a minor league team whose name came direct out of The Simpsons lore. I cannot find any qualms with that. Nevertheless, a decision on whether he is a pitcher or a belly-itcher is currently not available.
Robinson Tejeda - The Royals picked him up mid-season in 2008 and Tejeda exceeded the expectations anyone may have had for him. He could potentially be the second-best reliever in the bullpen.
John Bale - Bale broke his pitching hand last season when he punched a hotel door. I suppose he has Farnsworth's back should any inanimate objects team up with opposing players in a brawl.
With that, you have your 2009 Royals. Now clear your calendar because spring training games begin on Wednesday. (That's "today" for some.)
No comments:
Post a Comment