Friday, January 02, 2009

2008 - The year that was (because if it wasn't, we'd be in a pickle) -- Part two

At long last (after two whole days!), it's the second part of The Writings second-annual year in review. We here at The Writings beg your forgiveness for making this a two-part entry. I'm not one to normally point fingers, but all ten of my hand digits are pointing at my personal assistant.

What's that? I don't have one?

Then blame the intern.

No intern either? What type of shoddy organization is this?

Oh well. Lack of anyone to provide the author with a semblance of organization aside, 2009 has officially arrived. What lies ahead? Who knows. Maybe an army of cloned cycloptic gorillas will invade the western seaboard. I hear they're fans of the nice temperatures and fresh seafood.

Dastardly primates and 2009 events aside, we still have 2008 business to attend to. Particularly, picking up where we left off in part one of what many critics (me, when I was half-asleep) have called the most comprehensive summation of a year's events ever conjured.

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September 2008-
The 2008 presidential race hit high gear, as both major party's national conventions were completed by early September. The one-on-one battle led to a bevy of campaign ads hitting the television commercial breaks. As both candidates attempted to prove the other was not fit to be president (you know, rather than just saying why they should be) little was held back. Leading up to the election, reasons cited may or may not have included:
- candidate x is too old;
- candidate x is an elitist;
- candidate x is a muslim;
- candidate x is too hot-headed;
- candidate x was sent here from another planet to bring the destruction of our society and pave the way for Jupiterians to raid Earth;
- candidate x eats puppies when he's feeling blue;
- candidate x once starred in an adult film under the stage name Randy Pheeling;
- candidate x wears white after Labor Day;
- candidate x enjoys the movie Slam Dunk Ernest.

October 2008-
On October 15 the inaugural Global Handwashing Day took place. As one should be able to infer from the day's name, the event promoted washing hands around the globe to prevent disease.

I understand the importance of this in nations that may not be as well off as ours, but I'm hoping it's not just a one day celebration for those here in the states... Especially the folks at the Burger King down the block.

November 2008-
History was made with the presidential election, but the event probably deserves a recap by someone who doesn't occasionally refer to professional wrestling in his writing.

In other news, Ron Prince was informed that he'd be welcome back at Bill Snyder Family Stadium in 2009... as long as he had a ticket. With Prince no longer leading the program, it was time to scour the nation to find fresh talent to take over... or time to go and ask the guy down the hall if he was interested in coming back. Coaching legend Bill Snyder accepted the position by the end of the month, and since that time has assembled a coaching staff that gives the program immediate hope. Granted, starting quarterback Josh Freeman has decided that he prefers earning paychecks to cracking textbooks, but there's still an excitement around the upcoming season that has not been present for a few years.

Only 246 days until the season opener.

December 2008-
Children everywhere were disappointed when Santa Claus' sleigh was side-swiped as he tried to parallel park in New York. Santa was not injured, but the sleigh was damaged and rendered inoperable, meaning tikes around the globe went toyless for the holidays. Although he was unavailable for comment, word is that Santa has vowed revenge on the hit-and-run driver, and will spend the year collecting coal that will be used to bombard the offenders house next Christmas eve.

Remember kids, the lyrics "so be good for goodness sake" aren't just a hokey suggestion. They're an order.

Don't cross the Claus.

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