It's time to play catch-up.
I'm not sure what the official rules of catch-up are, and odds are that I'm not very good at it. Nevertheless, The Writings have been without a fruitful* update since seemingly the Carter administration, so it's time to address a few things.
*What does a "fruitful" update on The Writings involve? Probably some combination of sarcasm, cynicism, absurdity, and self-deprication. Fruit is optional.
Away we go...
- It seems far too many interesting events in my life take place at Burger King. Whether it's simply because I've lived just a block down from the fast food eatery for the past 2.5 years or it's because I'm destined to act as The King in future commercials, I'll never be sure; all I know is that I have left the aforementioned restaurant with more interesting stories than most roaming minstrels. Though the most recent occurrence took place weeks ago, it's still fresh in my mind.
Seeking food morsels to assuage the hunger pangs brought on by a night of K-State basketball, my brother and I headed down to the land of royal burgers. Upon walking in, we took spots in line behind three college kids. While two listened, the third told what seemed to be a never-ending tale about how he planned to walk on to the university's football team. The story sticks in my mind because of the absurdity that came packed with each additional sentence. The kid was probably 5'9 and weighed close to 160 lbs., so he certainly didn't have size in his favor. It's true that many football players have overcome a lack of size on the gridiron, but those players normally do so with uncanny speed. (That, or they're played by Sean Astin in a non-hobbit role.) The wannabe walk-on did brag to his friends about his quick feet, but I did not find his argument to be that convincing. After all, how much clout can be put in claiming to be "probably the fastest guy in my dorm"?
Rudy Jr.'s tales of wishful glory carried on and on. They carried on to the point that I realized something was wrong - and it was just this guy's sense of reality. You see, from the start of Mr. Imagination's tale to the point where his buddies were showing far too much interest in the fictional reality, the BK line never moved. In fact, as time passed like a cooling french fry, no store employee ever even stood near the register. There was a flurry of activity back in the kitchen, with employees piecing together sandwiches and discussing their favorite Whopper ingredients*. Employees were everywhere; everywhere but at the register to take orders and actually make money. After what seemed like a burgerless, delusion-filled eternity, I finally asked the three guys in front of us in line if there had been anyone at the register in the time they had been there. The answer: no. After a thoughtful conversation ("Want to go somewhere else?" "Yes."), my brother and I evacuated the premises and moved on to a place that would actually provide us with some food upon request.
*Assumption.
Just another night at the neighborhood BK.
- I saw the nerdically* acclaimed motion picture Avatar. Upon viewing it, I learned three things:
1. Though it may initially sound cheesy to say you're going to a 3D movie, the picture quality is borderline-beautiful. It's really a film that needs to be seen in the theater to full appreciate.
2. My head is too large to be able to comfortably wear the new generation of 3D glasses. The film was good, but watching it without feeling as if my head was in a vice would have made it a bit better.
3. If this documentary is meant to be believed, the Blue Man Group is actually comprised of aliens from the future.
- In lessons learned from a 17-month old:
1. No matter what you're eating, you should always try asking for a cookie. Be sure to hold the second syllable of "cookie" for much longer than necessary, making your request undeniably cute. ("Cook-ieeeeeeeeeee?")
2. If your request for a cookie goes unheeded, you should approach another person and place the same inquiry.
3. If this request is also disregarded, continue asking other individuals for a cookie until you get your wish.
4. When you aren't focused on food, a good hobby is checking to see if your dolls have dirty diapers. Naturally, you do so by holding a doll upside-down by it's ankles and saying "poopy doll."
I'm not sure what the official rules of catch-up are, and odds are that I'm not very good at it. Nevertheless, The Writings have been without a fruitful* update since seemingly the Carter administration, so it's time to address a few things.
*What does a "fruitful" update on The Writings involve? Probably some combination of sarcasm, cynicism, absurdity, and self-deprication. Fruit is optional.
Away we go...
- It seems far too many interesting events in my life take place at Burger King. Whether it's simply because I've lived just a block down from the fast food eatery for the past 2.5 years or it's because I'm destined to act as The King in future commercials, I'll never be sure; all I know is that I have left the aforementioned restaurant with more interesting stories than most roaming minstrels. Though the most recent occurrence took place weeks ago, it's still fresh in my mind.
Seeking food morsels to assuage the hunger pangs brought on by a night of K-State basketball, my brother and I headed down to the land of royal burgers. Upon walking in, we took spots in line behind three college kids. While two listened, the third told what seemed to be a never-ending tale about how he planned to walk on to the university's football team. The story sticks in my mind because of the absurdity that came packed with each additional sentence. The kid was probably 5'9 and weighed close to 160 lbs., so he certainly didn't have size in his favor. It's true that many football players have overcome a lack of size on the gridiron, but those players normally do so with uncanny speed. (That, or they're played by Sean Astin in a non-hobbit role.) The wannabe walk-on did brag to his friends about his quick feet, but I did not find his argument to be that convincing. After all, how much clout can be put in claiming to be "probably the fastest guy in my dorm"?
Rudy Jr.'s tales of wishful glory carried on and on. They carried on to the point that I realized something was wrong - and it was just this guy's sense of reality. You see, from the start of Mr. Imagination's tale to the point where his buddies were showing far too much interest in the fictional reality, the BK line never moved. In fact, as time passed like a cooling french fry, no store employee ever even stood near the register. There was a flurry of activity back in the kitchen, with employees piecing together sandwiches and discussing their favorite Whopper ingredients*. Employees were everywhere; everywhere but at the register to take orders and actually make money. After what seemed like a burgerless, delusion-filled eternity, I finally asked the three guys in front of us in line if there had been anyone at the register in the time they had been there. The answer: no. After a thoughtful conversation ("Want to go somewhere else?" "Yes."), my brother and I evacuated the premises and moved on to a place that would actually provide us with some food upon request.
*Assumption.
Just another night at the neighborhood BK.
- I saw the nerdically* acclaimed motion picture Avatar. Upon viewing it, I learned three things:
1. Though it may initially sound cheesy to say you're going to a 3D movie, the picture quality is borderline-beautiful. It's really a film that needs to be seen in the theater to full appreciate.
2. My head is too large to be able to comfortably wear the new generation of 3D glasses. The film was good, but watching it without feeling as if my head was in a vice would have made it a bit better.
3. If this documentary is meant to be believed, the Blue Man Group is actually comprised of aliens from the future.
- In lessons learned from a 17-month old:
1. No matter what you're eating, you should always try asking for a cookie. Be sure to hold the second syllable of "cookie" for much longer than necessary, making your request undeniably cute. ("Cook-ieeeeeeeeeee?")
2. If your request for a cookie goes unheeded, you should approach another person and place the same inquiry.
3. If this request is also disregarded, continue asking other individuals for a cookie until you get your wish.
4. When you aren't focused on food, a good hobby is checking to see if your dolls have dirty diapers. Naturally, you do so by holding a doll upside-down by it's ankles and saying "poopy doll."
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