I received an email today from the folks at Reader's Digest. Now, I'm not sure whether anyone reads Reader's Digest aside from me and those over 60, but I always have to take a quick peek at the mass emails they send. Today's was touting a piece titled "13 Things a Burglar Won't Tell You." Unfortunately, I didn't follow the link to see what the 13 things actually are. They could be crime secrets, they could be all-out lies, or they could be details about their pet ferrets. (Burglars are extremely protective of their pet ferrets... It's well documented.)
Anyway, here's my crack at the 10 things a burglar won't tell you (that probably didn't make the real list)...
1. Hi, I'm a burglar.
2. I'm planning on robbing your house when you leave for vacation. Any chance you can leave the doors unlocked to make things easier?
3. You know that time someone broke in and took your TV? Yeah, that was me. I've always wanted picture-in-picture.
4. Your security alarm scared the hell out of me when I was trying to pry open your door the other night.
5. Hey, does this watch look familiar? Yeah, it should.
6. I prefer robbing homes in your neighborhood between 10:45 and 11:45 p.m.
7. Dogs? I love dogs. Especially the really noisy ones.
8. I think I left my good crowbar in your living room.
9. If you liked your GPS unit that much, you can buy it again down at the pawn shop on the corner.
10. You haven't lived until you've worn panty hose on your head.
Anyway, here's my crack at the 10 things a burglar won't tell you (that probably didn't make the real list)...
1. Hi, I'm a burglar.
2. I'm planning on robbing your house when you leave for vacation. Any chance you can leave the doors unlocked to make things easier?
3. You know that time someone broke in and took your TV? Yeah, that was me. I've always wanted picture-in-picture.
4. Your security alarm scared the hell out of me when I was trying to pry open your door the other night.
5. Hey, does this watch look familiar? Yeah, it should.
6. I prefer robbing homes in your neighborhood between 10:45 and 11:45 p.m.
7. Dogs? I love dogs. Especially the really noisy ones.
8. I think I left my good crowbar in your living room.
9. If you liked your GPS unit that much, you can buy it again down at the pawn shop on the corner.
10. You haven't lived until you've worn panty hose on your head.
No comments:
Post a Comment