In the eyes of a sports fan, there are many things that might seem evil. The ever-increasing price of tickets, the deep pockets of the New York Yankees, and the management decisions of Al Davis are all fine examples. Yet, none of them can really top this.
I realize I'm a little slow in getting to this story (I blame the economy), and for that I apologize. Nonetheless, it seems that the teachings of Hogwarts* have finally transcended the magical competition of Quidditch* to influence mainstream sports.
*I use these terms with severe trepidation. As one who has never read the tales of young Mr. Potter, I don't really have any clue what I'm talking about. Of course, this has never stopped me before.
Although the ensuing riot was certainly no laughing matter, the idea that world of Bedknobs and Broomsticks** may be merging with the world of non-animated sports has me intrigued.
**Yes, I'm hip to Academy Award winning Disney musicals from the 1970s. Hello, icebreaker.
Imagine if the Chiefs signed a safety that could cast a spell to turn opposing players into animals.
Announcer 1: Here's Rivers back to pass, he spots Tomlinson open in the flat, but, ohh, the ball bounces right off of him. It seems he turned into some sort of sheep as the pass was in the air.
Announcer 2: You're right, Jim. And while he may now be enjoying the abundance of grass on that field, those cloven hooves sure aren't much for catching passes. Oh mercy.
Perhaps a Royals pitcher could inflict temporary blindness on an opposing batter, forcing them to swing at anything they throw.***
***I'm fairly confident this spell would be conjured by saying, "abra-cadrez bat like Neifi Perez."
Then again, I guess I cannot be entirely sure that certain individuals in the world of sports are not already suffering from something brought on by combining eye of frog, toe of newt, and tongue of toad. (Please note: I'm referring to a spell... not indigestion.)
Surely the San Francisco Giants were suffering from some sort of curse when they signed Barry Zito to a seven-year, $126-million contract. Perhaps someone ought to double-check the ingredients of the cream and the clear for newt toes.
Furthermore, with witchcraft apparently becoming commonplace in the world of organized sports****, can the introduction of other mystical abilities into athletic competition be far behind?
****Does one rumored case of attempted witchcraft mean it is "commonplace"? For the purposes of this Writing, absolutely it does.
Will the World Series be decided by the pitcher that is stronger in the force? Or will the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl be scored by a running back that picked up Super Mario's invincibility star (or just the strength of the NES Nigerian Nightmare). It seems that only time will tell.
...Well, time and mystical fortune tellers.
I realize I'm a little slow in getting to this story (I blame the economy), and for that I apologize. Nonetheless, it seems that the teachings of Hogwarts* have finally transcended the magical competition of Quidditch* to influence mainstream sports.
*I use these terms with severe trepidation. As one who has never read the tales of young Mr. Potter, I don't really have any clue what I'm talking about. Of course, this has never stopped me before.
Although the ensuing riot was certainly no laughing matter, the idea that world of Bedknobs and Broomsticks** may be merging with the world of non-animated sports has me intrigued.
**Yes, I'm hip to Academy Award winning Disney musicals from the 1970s. Hello, icebreaker.
Imagine if the Chiefs signed a safety that could cast a spell to turn opposing players into animals.
Announcer 1: Here's Rivers back to pass, he spots Tomlinson open in the flat, but, ohh, the ball bounces right off of him. It seems he turned into some sort of sheep as the pass was in the air.
Announcer 2: You're right, Jim. And while he may now be enjoying the abundance of grass on that field, those cloven hooves sure aren't much for catching passes. Oh mercy.
Perhaps a Royals pitcher could inflict temporary blindness on an opposing batter, forcing them to swing at anything they throw.***
***I'm fairly confident this spell would be conjured by saying, "abra-cadrez bat like Neifi Perez."
Then again, I guess I cannot be entirely sure that certain individuals in the world of sports are not already suffering from something brought on by combining eye of frog, toe of newt, and tongue of toad. (Please note: I'm referring to a spell... not indigestion.)
Surely the San Francisco Giants were suffering from some sort of curse when they signed Barry Zito to a seven-year, $126-million contract. Perhaps someone ought to double-check the ingredients of the cream and the clear for newt toes.
Furthermore, with witchcraft apparently becoming commonplace in the world of organized sports****, can the introduction of other mystical abilities into athletic competition be far behind?
****Does one rumored case of attempted witchcraft mean it is "commonplace"? For the purposes of this Writing, absolutely it does.
Will the World Series be decided by the pitcher that is stronger in the force? Or will the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl be scored by a running back that picked up Super Mario's invincibility star (or just the strength of the NES Nigerian Nightmare). It seems that only time will tell.
...Well, time and mystical fortune tellers.
1 comment:
That is the most impressive run on Tecmo Super Bowl that I have ever seen. Nice research for the article.
Post a Comment