Monday, August 11, 2008

Tales of obsessive announcers, the dark side of the Olympics, and a summer cold

Mid-August is a great time for vacations. Mine starts next week... Unfortunately, my immune system decided to take off a week early. As a result, I'm dealing with a sore throat and congestion in the midst of summer. Awesome.

My antibodies displaying as much fight as the Washington Generals aside, tonight marks an interesting Monday evening. Monday Night Football returns, and showcases the Packers' debut everyone will be talking about. Yes, I'm referring to the young offensive player trying to fill the clown-sized shoes of a legend. That's right, wide receiver Jordy Nelson will line up at wide receiver, with former Packer Koren Robinson nowhere to be seen.

Also on tap in these twilight hours will be a smorgasbord of Olympic events, direct from Beijing. In true American fashion, I know little about several Olympic events, but I'll root for my fellow citizens as if they are my next of kin.

On to the evening's thoughts...

- The Monday Night Football announcers follow the recent trend of anointing one particular former Packers' quarterback as the most significant person to ever stand on solid ground. I'm beginning to wonder if Aaron Rodgers has legally changed his name to "Brett Favre's Replacement, That Other Guy."

- Why didn't Don Majkowski get this sort of love? The guy was on Tecmo Super Bowl.

- There is a dark side to the Olympics, and it comes in the form of a Speedo. Listen, synchronized divers, the fact that you can jump off a high-dive and mimic the mid-air twists and turns of your teammate does not make wearing a skimpy pair of swimtrunks (minus the trunks) permissible. If the event was getting people everywhere to change the channel, you'd all win gold.

- Seeingly realizing the error of their ways, the National Broadcasting Company switched to women's beach volleyball immediately after I finished the previous paragraph... It's as if my voice has been heard. Thank you, NBC.

- Illustrating a previous point, the cameras at Lambeau Field just showed a fan's #4 Packers jersey with "God" written in the name block. This marks the first time I can recall readily expecting a stadium to be struck by lightning.

- On tap directly following women's beach volleyball? Men's gymnastics... You win some, you lose some.

- I continue to get the impression that popular opinion in the world of professional football is that Brett Favre would have created the heavens and Earth in just five days, and would have led a fourth-quarter comeback, won a hot dog eating contest, and rescued a puppy, a baby, and a geriatric from a house fire on the sixth.

- Meanwhile, judging from another self-promoting interview, Bengals receiver Chad Johnson may think that he could have accomplished all of that in three days, and then capped it off with touchdown celebration that sportscasters would spend pointless hours dissecting.

- This just in: Michael Phelps can swim pretty fast. Nonetheless, reports that he is related to Flipper remain unconfirmed at this time.

- Just heard on a professional wrestling program: a quote from Ronald Reagan... This is what you might call "not connecting with your core audience."

- Just heard during the football broadcast, "Favre-ity favre favre favre. Favrer, favre-ish, favre, favre, favre."*

*Quote may not be 100-percent accurate.

- In other news, the newest iteration of Madden Football is being released at midnight. News states that a former Packers quarterback is on the cover, but I want to go check to make sure there is not actually a picture of me gracing the case. It certainly seems like I'm in the middle of the "Madden Curse" right now.

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