This just in:
Apparently the Earth is about to crash into the sun. Granted, this has not been reported as "news" and there is no "scientific evidence" to back up this claim, but it is waaaaaaay too hot outside for things to be considered "normal."*
*I know I used a lot of "quotation marks" in that paragraph. I have no "good reason" as to why... It just "happened." Now this is starting to get pretty "irritating."
I'm not a fan of the hot weather. I guess part of the reason for this loathing may be the fact that I don't enjoy being soaked with sweat when I walk into a public place. People even give a few weird looks if you're dripping sweat in line at Burger King, and that place isn't exactly Harry's Uptown (local reference... those unfamiliar, please insert the name of the fanciest restaurant in your area).
Today, I combined the unenjoyable activity of being outdoors in triple-digit temperatures with another activity that has become a bane of my existence - buy gasoline. I have to think that paying for gas that costs more than it should in temperatures hotter than they should be nears the top of Derek's Big List of Things He Despises.
What follows is a list of things that may be less painful than paying for $3.59/gallon gas when the nearest thermometer has passed out from heat exhaustion...
- Having a root canal with habernero sauce injected as the local anesthetic.
- Sitting through an entrie episode of The Hills without making a single smart-aleck remark.
- Removing contact lenses with a pair of scissors.
- Watching another national sports segment on Brett Favre.
- Using a nostril as a candle snuffer.
- Running against the flow of bovidae traffic in Pamplona.
Apparently the Earth is about to crash into the sun. Granted, this has not been reported as "news" and there is no "scientific evidence" to back up this claim, but it is waaaaaaay too hot outside for things to be considered "normal."*
*I know I used a lot of "quotation marks" in that paragraph. I have no "good reason" as to why... It just "happened." Now this is starting to get pretty "irritating."
I'm not a fan of the hot weather. I guess part of the reason for this loathing may be the fact that I don't enjoy being soaked with sweat when I walk into a public place. People even give a few weird looks if you're dripping sweat in line at Burger King, and that place isn't exactly Harry's Uptown (local reference... those unfamiliar, please insert the name of the fanciest restaurant in your area).
Today, I combined the unenjoyable activity of being outdoors in triple-digit temperatures with another activity that has become a bane of my existence - buy gasoline. I have to think that paying for gas that costs more than it should in temperatures hotter than they should be nears the top of Derek's Big List of Things He Despises.
What follows is a list of things that may be less painful than paying for $3.59/gallon gas when the nearest thermometer has passed out from heat exhaustion...
- Having a root canal with habernero sauce injected as the local anesthetic.
- Sitting through an entrie episode of The Hills without making a single smart-aleck remark.
- Removing contact lenses with a pair of scissors.
- Watching another national sports segment on Brett Favre.
- Using a nostril as a candle snuffer.
- Running against the flow of bovidae traffic in Pamplona.
1 comment:
Oh my, I AM tired of Brett Favre specials too. At least the Royals beat the Sox. Plus, Gas is much more expensive way up North here.
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