It's the first Monday in April and the last night of the 2010-2011 college basketball season. Seems like a good opportunity to force you to read all the random thoughts that wade through my mind, no? Joining me for the festivities, we have a half-finished strawberry shake from Coldstone Creamery (when you're paying for ice cream, make sure you pay plenty), my next door neighbor's voice that I can hear through my wall (note to self: buy a home), and a degree of snarkiness that increases with every minute of unnecessary pregame coverage (23 minutes total... Look out!)
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I've been told that I look a bit like Butler coach Brad Stevens, and - frighteningly enough - I can see a bit of resemblance. This is horrible news for Stevens, but good news for me... I can put that on a resume, right?
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Has any film franchise ever had more unnecessary sequels than "The Fast and the Furious"? Vin Diesel's character likes to drive fast cars... I get it. That's not really a plot that requires five films worth of exploration.
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Charles Barkley has the be the greatest college basketball analyst who ever threw someone through a plate-glass window, doesn't he? (Note: This is not a rhetorical question... If you really do know of a better one, I really do want to know.)
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At the first media timeout, Butler and UConn have combined to shoot 3-for-18 from the field. "Defense wins championships!" ... True, but horrendous shooting loses them, as well.
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Is it safe to say that the folks working for HP in 1996 could not have predicted that Dr. Dre would be one of their company ad spokesmen 15 years later?
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Hey, it's a basketball game... and the score is 16-15 with fewer than seven minutes left in the first half. This is the sort of offense that only a mother could love. A mother who hates basketball.
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This just in: I have a horrible "multitasking" habit, meaning I am continually looking at thinks online even while watching a basketball game. This means that I'm subjected to reading rumors of potential college basketball changes (some concerning my alma mater) as I watch this game. So, not only am I continually reminded that K-State lost to Brad "not Derek" Stevens' Butler squad last season, but now I must digest rumors that there could be another coaching search in the future... I need to find something less depressing.
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... Hey, Ken Burns' Civil War documentary is on PBS!
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Butler guard Shelvin Mack sinks a buzzer-beating three to give the Bulldogs a 22-19 lead at the half. It's a beautiful shot and a great moment... Until the broadcaster fouls it up by saying "Mack is back!" Note to broadcasters: Dr. Seuss wrote children's books. He did not provide play-by-play for college basketball games. Don't cross the streams!
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Butler's up, they lead by three, but never count out a UConn Huskie.
20 minutes done, 20 remain. Such little time with so much to gain.
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Please forgive the Seuss vibe.
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Barkley at halftime: "Both teams need to play better."
And people wonder why I find halftime analysis worthless.
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After a UConn turnover, with the Huskies leading 26-25, coach Jim Calhoun shakes his head in disgust. If any college basketball coach were to be cast to play a grouchy old neighbor in a motion picture, I think Calhoun would have the role hands down. The simple sight of him standing with his arms crossed causes me to check my feet to make sure I'm not standing on his lawn.
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With 10 minutes left, UConn leads 39-28. I keep waiting to hear the broadcasters mention that this is actually a scrimmage and the real game will take place next... Thus far, they have failed to mention this fact.
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Seven minutes left, and Butler is shooting 2-for-24 in the second half. 2-for-24!
To put this in perspective, I succeed in making jokes 3 times out of every 24 attempts. Poor Butler.
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With two minutes left, Butler is on track to break the record for lowest shooting percentage EVER in a championship game. Hey, a record! Congratulations!
... Oh, nevermind.
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Aaaaaaaaand, that's the game. UConn is your champ, winning 53-41. Congrats to the Huskies for winning, to the Bulldogs for making it to the championship game two years in a row, and to you for making it through the written summation of such an ugly game. Eeesh.
-----
I've been told that I look a bit like Butler coach Brad Stevens, and - frighteningly enough - I can see a bit of resemblance. This is horrible news for Stevens, but good news for me... I can put that on a resume, right?
-----
Has any film franchise ever had more unnecessary sequels than "The Fast and the Furious"? Vin Diesel's character likes to drive fast cars... I get it. That's not really a plot that requires five films worth of exploration.
-----
Charles Barkley has the be the greatest college basketball analyst who ever threw someone through a plate-glass window, doesn't he? (Note: This is not a rhetorical question... If you really do know of a better one, I really do want to know.)
-----
At the first media timeout, Butler and UConn have combined to shoot 3-for-18 from the field. "Defense wins championships!" ... True, but horrendous shooting loses them, as well.
-----
Is it safe to say that the folks working for HP in 1996 could not have predicted that Dr. Dre would be one of their company ad spokesmen 15 years later?
-----
Hey, it's a basketball game... and the score is 16-15 with fewer than seven minutes left in the first half. This is the sort of offense that only a mother could love. A mother who hates basketball.
-----
This just in: I have a horrible "multitasking" habit, meaning I am continually looking at thinks online even while watching a basketball game. This means that I'm subjected to reading rumors of potential college basketball changes (some concerning my alma mater) as I watch this game. So, not only am I continually reminded that K-State lost to Brad "not Derek" Stevens' Butler squad last season, but now I must digest rumors that there could be another coaching search in the future... I need to find something less depressing.
-----
... Hey, Ken Burns' Civil War documentary is on PBS!
-----
Butler guard Shelvin Mack sinks a buzzer-beating three to give the Bulldogs a 22-19 lead at the half. It's a beautiful shot and a great moment... Until the broadcaster fouls it up by saying "Mack is back!" Note to broadcasters: Dr. Seuss wrote children's books. He did not provide play-by-play for college basketball games. Don't cross the streams!
-----
Butler's up, they lead by three, but never count out a UConn Huskie.
20 minutes done, 20 remain. Such little time with so much to gain.
-----
Please forgive the Seuss vibe.
-----
Barkley at halftime: "Both teams need to play better."
And people wonder why I find halftime analysis worthless.
-----
After a UConn turnover, with the Huskies leading 26-25, coach Jim Calhoun shakes his head in disgust. If any college basketball coach were to be cast to play a grouchy old neighbor in a motion picture, I think Calhoun would have the role hands down. The simple sight of him standing with his arms crossed causes me to check my feet to make sure I'm not standing on his lawn.
-----
With 10 minutes left, UConn leads 39-28. I keep waiting to hear the broadcasters mention that this is actually a scrimmage and the real game will take place next... Thus far, they have failed to mention this fact.
-----
Seven minutes left, and Butler is shooting 2-for-24 in the second half. 2-for-24!
To put this in perspective, I succeed in making jokes 3 times out of every 24 attempts. Poor Butler.
-----
With two minutes left, Butler is on track to break the record for lowest shooting percentage EVER in a championship game. Hey, a record! Congratulations!
... Oh, nevermind.
-----
Aaaaaaaaand, that's the game. UConn is your champ, winning 53-41. Congrats to the Huskies for winning, to the Bulldogs for making it to the championship game two years in a row, and to you for making it through the written summation of such an ugly game. Eeesh.
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