Someone once said, "the customer is always right." Since that time, the phrase has become common in every service industry. Customers at the market? They're always right. At the gas station? Always right. Even folks in line to see Hannah Montana: The Movie? Yup, according to the genius who took this mantra mainstream, they're always right, too. It's a succinct phrase. It's a catchy phrase. Unfortunately, it's wrong.
This may come as a shock to some of you (especially those male readers whose wives have effectively altered their thinking*... I kid, I kid.), but no one is always right. Think about it. If I were to walk down the street to Buffalo Wild Wings, order some food to-go, and then tell the individual at the register that I'm going to pay $3 less than what my meal costs and walk out with my dinner, my request would not be granted. (Despite the fact that the food is ridiculously overpriced.) I could argue until my face was as red as the sauces that glaze those wings, but the counterfolk** would not give me my food until I paid the full price of my meal. In such a case, I (the customer) would not be right.
*Reason #432 why the author doesn't get many dates: Comments like this.
*People who work at a counter, obviously.
Thinking about these "words of wisdom" (if you did not read the quoted words with a sarcastic tone in mind, go back and re-read them. It really makes a difference that I think you'll appreciate.), made me realize that there are plenty of other sayings that are commonplace in our 21st century USA vernacular that make about as much sense as a tiger with a salad fork. It's time we expose these phrases as fraudulent and do what we can to eliminate them from the vocabulary of all that speak and are heard each day.*
*The Writings: Battling Nonsense with Nonsense
"The early bird gets the worm."
I am not a morning person. Oddly, I'm not a night person, either. Actually, if you really examine it, there's really only a three-hour-and-45-minute window (5:15 p.m. to 9 p.m.) that I would consider myself at my peak.. and that's only if I'm well-rested. Nevertheless, that is beside the point, as I also don't make a habit of hunting for worms... Unless I'm going fishing. Then again, I haven't been fishing for probably 12 years, so this point is also a moot one. Have you ever started a paragraph with a point in mind, but then, in the midst of that same paragraph, realized that you are not making any sense? Welcome to The Writings. Anyway, the point of all this, which I have not even flirted with at this time*, is that early birds are not the only ones that get worms. I have seen feathered creatures yanking worms from their earthy homes in the middle of the afternoon. Thus, stating that only "early birds" get worms is erroneous.
*The Writings: We play hard to get.
Simply put, this phrase should be changed to "Birds get worms*." Sure, this adjustment renders the statement useless in the world of motivating people to get an early start, but at least now it's true. (Plus, the idea of getting a worm really doesn't seem that motivating.)
*By this, we mean that birds hunt and eat worms. We're not speaking of stomach parasites infecting those with beaks and wings.
"I wish I could have been a fly on the wall..."
A recent blog entry by Joe Posnanski (a ridiculously skilled, award-winning writer for the KC Star. If you're not, you should be reading his blog and his columns... heck, even anything he scratches down on a napkin if you happen to see him in public.* Seriously, read it.), brought this phrase to mind recently. Are there really people out there that would like to be a fly on the wall in any setting? Do the positives of having the opportunity to overhear a conversation really outweigh the negatives of having your regular pastime be sifting through filth, living your life in constant fear of being swatted by a rolled up Entertainment Weekly, and knowing that you're only going to be alive for about a month?
It seems a better saying would be, "I wish I could have been an invisible person with very quiet footsteps..." Sure, being invisible is not (yet... dun dun dunnnnnn) a situation that is scientifically possible, but we are talking about a "wish" here. (Plus, at last check, morphing into a fly is not possible either. If only Calvin's Transmogrifier were ready for public distribution.)
*Disclaimer: We at The Writings do not condone stalking of any sort.
"Beating a dead horse."
Is it just me, or does this phrase seem to connotate the idea that beating a live horse is okay. Where's PETA when you need them?
"Piece of cake."/"Easy as pie."
It seems that some people out there find desserts to be excessively simple. I have never attempted making any sort of either confection, but I'm guessing I could find a way to screw them up. I'm not exactly Wolfgang Puck in the kitchen.
Because I don't appreciate the idea that I would probably set off my smoke alarm in finishing simple culinary processes, I think we need to disassociate desserts and simpleness. Instead, those wishing to convey the idea that an activity was not difficult can say, "Easy as finishing this very statement... The one that I'm speaking right now... Period." How easy is that?
"So easy, a baby could do it."
This phrase echoes the idea that anything a baby does is easy. I disagree. Over the weekend, I watched as my eight-month-old niece continually crawled across a hardwood kitchen floor and was consistently entertained by her own sneezes. As a young adult whose knees get sore when i think about kneeling, and who no longer finds sneezes to be fascinating and/or fun, I don't consider either of these tasks to be easy.
"It ain't over, til it's over."
Actually, I can't find any fault with this one. I just really needed something to close with.
It's over.
This may come as a shock to some of you (especially those male readers whose wives have effectively altered their thinking*... I kid, I kid.), but no one is always right. Think about it. If I were to walk down the street to Buffalo Wild Wings, order some food to-go, and then tell the individual at the register that I'm going to pay $3 less than what my meal costs and walk out with my dinner, my request would not be granted. (Despite the fact that the food is ridiculously overpriced.) I could argue until my face was as red as the sauces that glaze those wings, but the counterfolk** would not give me my food until I paid the full price of my meal. In such a case, I (the customer) would not be right.
*Reason #432 why the author doesn't get many dates: Comments like this.
*People who work at a counter, obviously.
Thinking about these "words of wisdom" (if you did not read the quoted words with a sarcastic tone in mind, go back and re-read them. It really makes a difference that I think you'll appreciate.), made me realize that there are plenty of other sayings that are commonplace in our 21st century USA vernacular that make about as much sense as a tiger with a salad fork. It's time we expose these phrases as fraudulent and do what we can to eliminate them from the vocabulary of all that speak and are heard each day.*
*The Writings: Battling Nonsense with Nonsense
"The early bird gets the worm."
I am not a morning person. Oddly, I'm not a night person, either. Actually, if you really examine it, there's really only a three-hour-and-45-minute window (5:15 p.m. to 9 p.m.) that I would consider myself at my peak.. and that's only if I'm well-rested. Nevertheless, that is beside the point, as I also don't make a habit of hunting for worms... Unless I'm going fishing. Then again, I haven't been fishing for probably 12 years, so this point is also a moot one. Have you ever started a paragraph with a point in mind, but then, in the midst of that same paragraph, realized that you are not making any sense? Welcome to The Writings. Anyway, the point of all this, which I have not even flirted with at this time*, is that early birds are not the only ones that get worms. I have seen feathered creatures yanking worms from their earthy homes in the middle of the afternoon. Thus, stating that only "early birds" get worms is erroneous.
*The Writings: We play hard to get.
Simply put, this phrase should be changed to "Birds get worms*." Sure, this adjustment renders the statement useless in the world of motivating people to get an early start, but at least now it's true. (Plus, the idea of getting a worm really doesn't seem that motivating.)
*By this, we mean that birds hunt and eat worms. We're not speaking of stomach parasites infecting those with beaks and wings.
"I wish I could have been a fly on the wall..."
A recent blog entry by Joe Posnanski (a ridiculously skilled, award-winning writer for the KC Star. If you're not, you should be reading his blog and his columns... heck, even anything he scratches down on a napkin if you happen to see him in public.* Seriously, read it.), brought this phrase to mind recently. Are there really people out there that would like to be a fly on the wall in any setting? Do the positives of having the opportunity to overhear a conversation really outweigh the negatives of having your regular pastime be sifting through filth, living your life in constant fear of being swatted by a rolled up Entertainment Weekly, and knowing that you're only going to be alive for about a month?
It seems a better saying would be, "I wish I could have been an invisible person with very quiet footsteps..." Sure, being invisible is not (yet... dun dun dunnnnnn) a situation that is scientifically possible, but we are talking about a "wish" here. (Plus, at last check, morphing into a fly is not possible either. If only Calvin's Transmogrifier were ready for public distribution.)
*Disclaimer: We at The Writings do not condone stalking of any sort.
"Beating a dead horse."
Is it just me, or does this phrase seem to connotate the idea that beating a live horse is okay. Where's PETA when you need them?
"Piece of cake."/"Easy as pie."
It seems that some people out there find desserts to be excessively simple. I have never attempted making any sort of either confection, but I'm guessing I could find a way to screw them up. I'm not exactly Wolfgang Puck in the kitchen.
Because I don't appreciate the idea that I would probably set off my smoke alarm in finishing simple culinary processes, I think we need to disassociate desserts and simpleness. Instead, those wishing to convey the idea that an activity was not difficult can say, "Easy as finishing this very statement... The one that I'm speaking right now... Period." How easy is that?
"So easy, a baby could do it."
This phrase echoes the idea that anything a baby does is easy. I disagree. Over the weekend, I watched as my eight-month-old niece continually crawled across a hardwood kitchen floor and was consistently entertained by her own sneezes. As a young adult whose knees get sore when i think about kneeling, and who no longer finds sneezes to be fascinating and/or fun, I don't consider either of these tasks to be easy.
"It ain't over, til it's over."
Actually, I can't find any fault with this one. I just really needed something to close with.
It's over.
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