- I saw a man take an apple into a public restroom last week. I find this situation so unusual that I'm going to repeat the previous sentence, simply to remind myself that it actually occurred and was not part of some weird, unsanitary nightmare.
I saw a man take an apple into a public restroom last week.
Call me crazy, but I have never considered public restrooms to be environments conducive to any sort of snacking, be it casual, habitual, or uncontrollable. I would delve deep into the reasons behind* such thinking, but - as the wisest four-year-old I know might say - "that's toilet talk." I told one friend about this very sight. Her quick-witted response? Maybe he thought he'd be in there for awhile. This does little to assuage my worries for his dining preferences.
*Pun not intended.
With this scenario in mind, I have been trying to think of worse snacking situations than that presented by "in-the-John-ny Appleseed." So far, I've come up with the following:
-- Eating a slab of ribs while stranded in a tiger cage.
-- Eating s'mores while the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is around.
-- Eating nachos out of a used bowling shoe.
-- Eating anything that appears to be moving.
It seems obvious that I'm missing some things. Help me out, oh wonderful reader. (Yes, I have resorted to sucking up.) Let me know of any snacking predicaments (snackdicaments, if you will) that you think might make Mr. Fruit-in-the-Loo seem completely sane.
Now, onto other items of business...
- First the big news in the world of baseball involved Alex Rodriguez and steroids. Now, it involves Rodriguez and a bad hip... I'm still waiting to see how Brett Favre factors into the whole situation. I know the sports media can't leave him out of things for too long... Tim Tebow might factor into the whole situation, as well.
- Meanwhile, lost among the talk of a hip-based cyst is the fact that the World Baseball Classic has begun. There are some Royals playing in the large tournament, but none for the USA. Do I root, root, root for the Royals, or for the U.S.? I can't root against any Royals (remember, Neifi Perez and Chuck Knoblauch are long gone), but I also have to cheer for the homeland. But what do I do when Puerto Rican shortstop Mike Aviles faces off against U.S. pitcher Roy Oswalt? Faced with such a dilemma, it seems like I'm simply stuck taking the "wuss bets" route and rooting for everyone to have a good time.
- Some say time travel is not possible. It seems that folks in Utah disagree. Apparently having the pair of early 90s phenoms back selling tickets is the cure to a recession. After all, didn't "Ice, Ice Baby" and "Can't Touch This," play key roles in getting us through 1991? In the modified words of Mr. Rob Van Winkle, "if there's a problem, yo, they'll solve it. If you actually pay money to see them, you better not complain about being poor... Seriously."*
*Rhyme omitted to serve the greater good.
I saw a man take an apple into a public restroom last week.
Call me crazy, but I have never considered public restrooms to be environments conducive to any sort of snacking, be it casual, habitual, or uncontrollable. I would delve deep into the reasons behind* such thinking, but - as the wisest four-year-old I know might say - "that's toilet talk." I told one friend about this very sight. Her quick-witted response? Maybe he thought he'd be in there for awhile. This does little to assuage my worries for his dining preferences.
*Pun not intended.
With this scenario in mind, I have been trying to think of worse snacking situations than that presented by "in-the-John-ny Appleseed." So far, I've come up with the following:
-- Eating a slab of ribs while stranded in a tiger cage.
-- Eating s'mores while the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is around.
-- Eating nachos out of a used bowling shoe.
-- Eating anything that appears to be moving.
It seems obvious that I'm missing some things. Help me out, oh wonderful reader. (Yes, I have resorted to sucking up.) Let me know of any snacking predicaments (snackdicaments, if you will) that you think might make Mr. Fruit-in-the-Loo seem completely sane.
Now, onto other items of business...
- First the big news in the world of baseball involved Alex Rodriguez and steroids. Now, it involves Rodriguez and a bad hip... I'm still waiting to see how Brett Favre factors into the whole situation. I know the sports media can't leave him out of things for too long... Tim Tebow might factor into the whole situation, as well.
- Meanwhile, lost among the talk of a hip-based cyst is the fact that the World Baseball Classic has begun. There are some Royals playing in the large tournament, but none for the USA. Do I root, root, root for the Royals, or for the U.S.? I can't root against any Royals (remember, Neifi Perez and Chuck Knoblauch are long gone), but I also have to cheer for the homeland. But what do I do when Puerto Rican shortstop Mike Aviles faces off against U.S. pitcher Roy Oswalt? Faced with such a dilemma, it seems like I'm simply stuck taking the "wuss bets" route and rooting for everyone to have a good time.
- Some say time travel is not possible. It seems that folks in Utah disagree. Apparently having the pair of early 90s phenoms back selling tickets is the cure to a recession. After all, didn't "Ice, Ice Baby" and "Can't Touch This," play key roles in getting us through 1991? In the modified words of Mr. Rob Van Winkle, "if there's a problem, yo, they'll solve it. If you actually pay money to see them, you better not complain about being poor... Seriously."*
*Rhyme omitted to serve the greater good.
No comments:
Post a Comment