A redheaded woman is currently staring at me. It looks like an angry stare. The more I take notice of it, the more I feel as if she's attempting to her some strange optical power to rupture all of the blood vessels in my head and make my brain ooze out my ears. I feel like I should be a little concerned.
No, I'm not face-to-face with a fiery super villain who is out to seek revenge on all that have bad-mouthed "Bromance." I'm looking at an online advertisement.
The ad, for something called Retail Report Card, features this young woman (looking as if I just kicked her Irish setter), standing beneath the words "Needed: Mystery Shoppers." I have always wondered about mystery shopping. If it was for a legitimate source, it seems like a job many folks would enjoy. I know all too many folks that could walk around a retail store all day long. With that idea in mind, one might think this ad should feature someone who looks to be enjoying him-or-(most likely)-herself. You could make it seem like a fun way to pass the time to get people interested. Instead, this company has seemingly taken the intimidation route.
It's like they're saying, "We need mystery shoppers... Oh, you're not interested? Sure, that's fine. Go ahead and close your browser, turn off your computer, and run out to your car... You'll be perfectly safe. We certainly haven't fiddled under the hood or tampered with your breaks. What? You're staying in your apartment? Well, I'm sure you will sleep well, and certainly won't wake up to any regrettable situations. Nevertheless, if something unfortunate would happen to you, just remember this once you are well - we NEED mystery shoppers."
Another alternative to the current, "you'll regret not joining us" ad featuring this woman who looks like she might be close to beating up a chubby first grader for his lunch money would be for the advertisers to embrace the "mystery" in mystery shopping. Where's the poor depiction of Sherlock Holmes scouring retail aisles with magnifying glass in hand? Where's the drawing of Sasquatch, a martian, and the Loch Ness monster casually checking out items marked for clearance? Heck, where's Mystery from VH1 attempting to "start a set" with ladies in the frozen food section, only to have a box of Eggos thrown at his face?*
*This Wikipedia page for "The Pickup Artist" is the first result listed when one searches for "mystery" via Google. That's right, this guy who dresses like a cross between Captain Jack Sparrow and Orville Wright, and is featured in a reality show where he teaches female-fearing males pickup strategies that step long past that "creepy" borderline is the top "mystery" in the eyes of the top search engine in the online world. Mystery fiction has been around for around 150 years. The mystery genre brought us Sherlock Holmes. It brought us the Hardy Boys. It even brought us Scooby Doo. Yet, a guy that looks like he misplaced his mug of grog is the top "mystery" result? Are you still looking for signs of the Apocalypse?
Alas, I have little background in advertising, and this rage-filled redhead continues to attempts to telepathically strangle my soul. The ad isn't fun-filled. It doesn't have any mystery about it. (Aside from why this woman is so angry with me... I usually don't get that look until after I talk to a girl.) Perhaps brow-sweating intimidation is the best way to get people interested in this opportunity. Whatever the case may be, I'm not going to stick around to find out. I hope I don't wake up in the morning to find half of my television at the foot of my bed with wires strewn everywhere.
No, I'm not face-to-face with a fiery super villain who is out to seek revenge on all that have bad-mouthed "Bromance." I'm looking at an online advertisement.
The ad, for something called Retail Report Card, features this young woman (looking as if I just kicked her Irish setter), standing beneath the words "Needed: Mystery Shoppers." I have always wondered about mystery shopping. If it was for a legitimate source, it seems like a job many folks would enjoy. I know all too many folks that could walk around a retail store all day long. With that idea in mind, one might think this ad should feature someone who looks to be enjoying him-or-(most likely)-herself. You could make it seem like a fun way to pass the time to get people interested. Instead, this company has seemingly taken the intimidation route.
It's like they're saying, "We need mystery shoppers... Oh, you're not interested? Sure, that's fine. Go ahead and close your browser, turn off your computer, and run out to your car... You'll be perfectly safe. We certainly haven't fiddled under the hood or tampered with your breaks. What? You're staying in your apartment? Well, I'm sure you will sleep well, and certainly won't wake up to any regrettable situations. Nevertheless, if something unfortunate would happen to you, just remember this once you are well - we NEED mystery shoppers."
Another alternative to the current, "you'll regret not joining us" ad featuring this woman who looks like she might be close to beating up a chubby first grader for his lunch money would be for the advertisers to embrace the "mystery" in mystery shopping. Where's the poor depiction of Sherlock Holmes scouring retail aisles with magnifying glass in hand? Where's the drawing of Sasquatch, a martian, and the Loch Ness monster casually checking out items marked for clearance? Heck, where's Mystery from VH1 attempting to "start a set" with ladies in the frozen food section, only to have a box of Eggos thrown at his face?*
*This Wikipedia page for "The Pickup Artist" is the first result listed when one searches for "mystery" via Google. That's right, this guy who dresses like a cross between Captain Jack Sparrow and Orville Wright, and is featured in a reality show where he teaches female-fearing males pickup strategies that step long past that "creepy" borderline is the top "mystery" in the eyes of the top search engine in the online world. Mystery fiction has been around for around 150 years. The mystery genre brought us Sherlock Holmes. It brought us the Hardy Boys. It even brought us Scooby Doo. Yet, a guy that looks like he misplaced his mug of grog is the top "mystery" result? Are you still looking for signs of the Apocalypse?
Alas, I have little background in advertising, and this rage-filled redhead continues to attempts to telepathically strangle my soul. The ad isn't fun-filled. It doesn't have any mystery about it. (Aside from why this woman is so angry with me... I usually don't get that look until after I talk to a girl.) Perhaps brow-sweating intimidation is the best way to get people interested in this opportunity. Whatever the case may be, I'm not going to stick around to find out. I hope I don't wake up in the morning to find half of my television at the foot of my bed with wires strewn everywhere.
2 comments:
Um, no there was that time when a girl got angry at you just for looking in her general direction. Remember that?
I stand corrected... I occasionally get obscene hand gestures (involving a lone finger with a rather central place of business) tossed my direction simply for looking in the general direction of a female I have never met.
That one is tough to top.
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