Monday, February 14, 2011

Roses are...

It's Valentine's Day. This means that florists will stay in business for another year. It means that fancy restaurants everywhere will have folks spilling out the doors. It means that several husbands around the country will sleep on their couches tonight, having forgotten about the entire holiday. It also means that vernaculars, written communicae, and the Internet are infested with sappy "Roses are red..." poems. This is an infection that must be cured. We at The Writings have decided that the only way to put an end to the thought that such poems might be in any way romantic is to compile the worst examples of said poems. Here's a start. Please feel free to pitch in if you can.


Roses are red; violets are blue;
I'd put your name here, but I haven't a clue.


Roses are red, but roses have thorns;
I'll see you tonight, you can help treat my corns.


Roses are red; a rose is a flower;
On such a special occasion, I might even shower.


Roses are red; ... well, some roses anyway. Roses can also be white, yellow, pink, or even striped. There are actually over 100 species within the family Rosaceae. They're all perennials and many are native to Asia. Roses are most often used for ornamental purposes and they have been used in that manner for thousands of years. I'm a big fan of roses. In fact, I can tell you a lot more about them if you like. I'm going to assumed that your stunned silence means, "yes, I would like to hear more." Did you know that roses are even used medicinally. No really, it's true...


Roses are red; this is no fling;
Put on something pretty, it's time for Burger King.


Roses are red; my online avatar has tremendous stats;
Have you seen my collection of porcelain cats?


Roses are red; my formal title is mister;
Sweetheart, you're great, but can I call your sister?


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Yes, the fact that it is Valentine's Day also means that tonight is the Sunflower Showdown at Bramlage Coliseum. I'll be headed that way soon. Frankly, I won't allow myself to write anything else about the game, as I seem to have an adverse effect on most things I appreciate. That's a topic for the future.

1 comment:

little apple tally said...

Roses are red... Words cannot express...
Beatin' the Hawks... Tis simply the Best!