It's the bottom of the seventh inning in Cleveland, and a flock of seagulls is attempting to take Progressive Field by force. (To avoid any confusion, please note that I speak of an actual flock of seagulls, not the 80s rock band of that name... Although that would infinitely more terrifying.) As the Royals move close to winning (yes, I said winning) in Cleveland, these sea birds are gathering in the outfield like it's some sort of garbage barge. (There you go, Cleveland. If you choose to change the name of your stadium, you can always use Garbage Barge Field. I won't even need credit for it.)
These birds, it seems, enjoy flirting with disaster. Haven't they seen what can happen to the feathered sort on a baseball field?
As they flap, swoop, and do whatever else seagulls do (I have seen no evidence of defecation, but there was a woman wearing a game program on her head... Draw your own conclusions.), I have begun to wonder if someone from the Indians organization may have lured them to the field with the purpose of providing a little extra advantage for the home team. Much like the Red Sox gain an advantage by learning the best ways to field hits off the Green Monster, the Indians could be working on studying trajectories of hits that deflect of winged creatures. It makes perfect sense.
If such is the case, and the Indians (aside from tonight... and most other nights this season, since they now have the worst record in the American League... just ignore such "facts" as they really put a crimp in this hypothetical situation) are earning a competitive advantage by luring seagulls to their ballpark, I think it's only fair that other MLB teams have an opportunity to follow suit. Imagine if, instead of seagulls, the Yankees and Mets were able to lure hordes of angry New Yorkers down onto the field to push and curse at opposing players. What if the Detroit Tigers could take cars from area motor plants and allow them to be test driven in the Comerica Park outfield. The Milwaukee Brewers have beer vendors patrol the opposing dugout in attempt to get the opposing players and manager inebriated by the fifth inning, and the Arizona Diamondbacks could embrace their desert locale, planting cacti in the infield and allowing desert wildlife - from rattlesnakes to coyotes - to have free reign on the field. Such changes could even attract a few more fans to the game, as the very fact that you recognize the name Steve-o gives great credence to the idea that people enjoy watching others hurt themselves.
The question remains, with ideas for other franchises, what would I suggest the Royals do to increase their home field advantage? Could they offer free barbecue to any opposing player that commits an error? Should they move the fountains from beyond the outfield walls to the actual playing field so that tracking a fly ball is like a trip to Oceans of Fun? Maybe they could play the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Video on the monstrous video screen in centerfield as the opposing team bats.
My suggestion? How about we start with a shortstop that can hit.
Too far-fetched?
These birds, it seems, enjoy flirting with disaster. Haven't they seen what can happen to the feathered sort on a baseball field?
As they flap, swoop, and do whatever else seagulls do (I have seen no evidence of defecation, but there was a woman wearing a game program on her head... Draw your own conclusions.), I have begun to wonder if someone from the Indians organization may have lured them to the field with the purpose of providing a little extra advantage for the home team. Much like the Red Sox gain an advantage by learning the best ways to field hits off the Green Monster, the Indians could be working on studying trajectories of hits that deflect of winged creatures. It makes perfect sense.
If such is the case, and the Indians (aside from tonight... and most other nights this season, since they now have the worst record in the American League... just ignore such "facts" as they really put a crimp in this hypothetical situation) are earning a competitive advantage by luring seagulls to their ballpark, I think it's only fair that other MLB teams have an opportunity to follow suit. Imagine if, instead of seagulls, the Yankees and Mets were able to lure hordes of angry New Yorkers down onto the field to push and curse at opposing players. What if the Detroit Tigers could take cars from area motor plants and allow them to be test driven in the Comerica Park outfield. The Milwaukee Brewers have beer vendors patrol the opposing dugout in attempt to get the opposing players and manager inebriated by the fifth inning, and the Arizona Diamondbacks could embrace their desert locale, planting cacti in the infield and allowing desert wildlife - from rattlesnakes to coyotes - to have free reign on the field. Such changes could even attract a few more fans to the game, as the very fact that you recognize the name Steve-o gives great credence to the idea that people enjoy watching others hurt themselves.
The question remains, with ideas for other franchises, what would I suggest the Royals do to increase their home field advantage? Could they offer free barbecue to any opposing player that commits an error? Should they move the fountains from beyond the outfield walls to the actual playing field so that tracking a fly ball is like a trip to Oceans of Fun? Maybe they could play the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Video on the monstrous video screen in centerfield as the opposing team bats.
My suggestion? How about we start with a shortstop that can hit.
Too far-fetched?
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