Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Hey, an update... Amazing.

According to the band Sublime, "the living's easy" in summertime. This may come as a shock to many, but it seems the members of Sublime never worked my job, where my schedule has gotten considerably more busy with the arrival of summer. Nevertheless, I refuse to let a hectic schedule serve as an excuse for neglecting The Writings. (Other than, you know, earlier in this paragraph when I basically tried to use that excuse.) Anyway, what follows is yet another collection of random thought, which, if tangible, would probably pump through my veins.

-----

Remember the scene in the movie Anchorman where Ron Burgandy reacts to Veronica Corningstone's statement that she wants to be a news anchor by yelling out in disbelief, "I thought you were joking"? I keep waiting for Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress to admit this to Brett Favre. After all we have been put through with the continued (and continued... and continued...) media coverage of another possible Favre comeback, wouldn't that be the perfect ending to this story? Favre could show up to the first day of the Vikings' training camp, only to see Sage Rosenfels taking snaps with the first team. Favre would then confront Childress, with the two jawing back and forth. Finally, the conversation would close in the following fashion.

Favre: ...but I told you I wanted to be the Vikings' starting quarterback.
Childress (by this point, also fed up with the fact that the only story surrounding his team involves a 39-year-old quarterback that threw as many interceptions as touchdowns the season before): I thought you were joking! I even wrote about it in my diary. "Brett had a very funny joke today." ... I laughed about it later that night!

A dignified way to close a Hall of Fame career? No. But is the current "I like you. If you like me circle 'yes'" flirtation much better?

-----

It's well documented that I have an abominable history when it comes to making accurate predictions. It's so bad, that I'm fairly confident that if I had been around to predict a victory for the colonies in the Revolutionary War, we'd all be enjoying a lot more tea and playing a lot more cricket. With in accurate predictions being my forte, I was rather astonished (and then enraged, but then more astonished) when an event I wrote about a week ago actually materialized the following night.

You may have seen it by now, but if not, have a look. The Indians topped the Royals, thanks in part* to hot ground ball playing tag with an unfortunate seagull. In watching the clip, pay particular attention to the commentary by the Indians' announcers. Upon discovering that the baseball clocked the bird, they laugh like most folks do when they see one of the 37 groin shots shown in every episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. It's a laugh that almost seems diabolical. While the initial question on my mind was how the Royals could be so unfortunate that they lose a game on a seagull aided play, the big question occupying my thoughts now is whether that Indians commentator has a personal history with sea birds that makes him have hostility toward them. Did a flock of seagulls** attack his family when he was young? Is he actually a supervillain that is continually thwarted by a hero called Gullman?

*"In part" because Coco Crisp, who hasn't practiced fielding balls of members of the gull family nearly enough, isn't exactly known for having a strong throwing arm, and was also playing with a sore shoulder that now has him on the disabled list... It might have been rough getting DeRosa at the plate.

**Again, not the band... Although, again, that might be a more entertaining thought.

-----

Big news recently is the revelation that you can now have a username on Facebook. As www.facebook.com itself touts it, "Easily direct friends, family, and coworkers to your profile with a Facebook username."

Personally, I'm thrilled that usernames are now a part of Facebook. After all, it was such a chore directing my friends, family, and coworkers to the bevy of useful information contained in my Facebook profile by providing them with nothing to search for buy my actual name. Who can remember the full name of a friend, family member, or coworker, anyway? I hear it's a documented fact that most people are lucky to remember anything more than the first syllable of the first name if they haven't known someone for over four years. Good luck searching for my Facebook profile when you only have "Der" to search for.*

*This paragraph brought to you by the "No, seriously, this whole username idea is absurd. Do you really want to open Facebook to names like 'BigPlayaBallaPimp69'? Redact it while you still can" Foundation.

No comments: