Watch your back, Weight Watchers. Look out, Jenny Craig. The Derek Larson Diet Plan is coming for you.
It's true, those that know Derek Larson might argue that he's already thinner than most arguments for making the hunting of people lawful, and Derek would probably agree. That's the beautiful part of this diet plan - it's involuntary. Have you ever felt like you should go on a diet, but then struggled when it came time to commit? The DLDP will have you on board from the start. In fact, it's so effective that the simple thought of eating will make you quiver in terror.
The key to the DLDP, you see, is what those in the medical field might refer to as the "influenza virus." Quick and effective, once the DLDP works its way into your system, the sight of food will have you pulling the cool washcloth on your forehead down over your eyes. While you may have once dined on burgers and fries, you'll soon consume nothing but water and ice chips. Much like the energy you once had, the pounds will melt away.
Our patented diet plan involves no special meals that you have to order. There's no silly menu guide for you to print off the Internet. There's no book to read. Once we have your check, we simply send a "diet plan specialist" (e.g., someone that currently has the flu) to hang around with your for a day or two. Don't be concerned if they seem to be invading your personal space, or coughing on your television remote and all the doorknobs in your home. It's all part of the plan, and results will follow.
While the DLDP will have you looking slimmer in no time, we are required to mention possible side effects that some might deem "negative." They include: fever, headaches, body aches, shakes, quakes, fear of steaks, nausea, a general "horrible" feeling, curiosity of how horrible death could actually be, lack of energy, lack of sleep, lack of ability to think clearly, baggy eyes, continual queries concerning whether your flu is of the H1N1 variety, the fact that people will be afraid to be anywhere near you, the continual reminder that The Price is Right isn't the same without Bob Barker, the fact that you have to put up with daytime television, and the fact that you will become much, much closer to your trash can.
Sure, there are some negative parts about the DLDP, but you want to lose weight, don't you? No pain, no gain... uhh, loss. Give us a call and try it today!
It's true, those that know Derek Larson might argue that he's already thinner than most arguments for making the hunting of people lawful, and Derek would probably agree. That's the beautiful part of this diet plan - it's involuntary. Have you ever felt like you should go on a diet, but then struggled when it came time to commit? The DLDP will have you on board from the start. In fact, it's so effective that the simple thought of eating will make you quiver in terror.
The key to the DLDP, you see, is what those in the medical field might refer to as the "influenza virus." Quick and effective, once the DLDP works its way into your system, the sight of food will have you pulling the cool washcloth on your forehead down over your eyes. While you may have once dined on burgers and fries, you'll soon consume nothing but water and ice chips. Much like the energy you once had, the pounds will melt away.
Our patented diet plan involves no special meals that you have to order. There's no silly menu guide for you to print off the Internet. There's no book to read. Once we have your check, we simply send a "diet plan specialist" (e.g., someone that currently has the flu) to hang around with your for a day or two. Don't be concerned if they seem to be invading your personal space, or coughing on your television remote and all the doorknobs in your home. It's all part of the plan, and results will follow.
While the DLDP will have you looking slimmer in no time, we are required to mention possible side effects that some might deem "negative." They include: fever, headaches, body aches, shakes, quakes, fear of steaks, nausea, a general "horrible" feeling, curiosity of how horrible death could actually be, lack of energy, lack of sleep, lack of ability to think clearly, baggy eyes, continual queries concerning whether your flu is of the H1N1 variety, the fact that people will be afraid to be anywhere near you, the continual reminder that The Price is Right isn't the same without Bob Barker, the fact that you have to put up with daytime television, and the fact that you will become much, much closer to your trash can.
Sure, there are some negative parts about the DLDP, but you want to lose weight, don't you? No pain, no gain... uhh, loss. Give us a call and try it today!
1 comment:
So sorry you had to test out DLDP to see if it works. Certainly a sacrifice for business development. One you could have done without. Now on to bigger and better things, right?
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