Must-See TV?

I pay much more than I'd like to for cable television. I am provided proof of that very statement every month when it's time to write the check for the cable bill. Signing my name leaves me feeling like an aardvark shot in the side with a pellet gun - a little sore, and pretty unhappy*.

*This statement is actually a guess as to how I think an aardvark might feel if shot with a pellet gun. I have never actually met an aardvark who had been shot with a pellet gun, and even if I had, I'm not sure how it would have conveyed its feelings on the subject of the shooting to me.

With the cost of this programming, you might think finding quality entertainment on something like a Tuesday evening would not be difficult. Yet, had it not been for a Royals game this evening, I would have been flipping through channels like some sort of electrified flipping machine. Naturall, it's time for a quick rundown of the junk that passes for entertainment on a Tuesday night.

NBC - America's Got Talent --- a.k.a, NBC's Got an American Idol Ripoff
If David Hasselhoff determines who has talent and who doesn't, I fear for the future of our nation.

ARTS
It looks to be some sort of ballet about barbarians of the Ghengis Khan sort... Or maybe it's historical narrative. I guess I have no evidence that the Mongols conquest of the Jin Dynasty did not happen with dancing, prancing, and mincing.

Insert name of news station here
Subjects of tonight's top stories... A-Rod/Madonna, Angelina Jolie, some lawsuit surrounding the Pedegg (an egg-shaped device used to remove dead skin from your feet, naturally), and Hulk Hogan... Aren't we currently involved in international conflict and dealing with a struggling economy? When did CNN and company turn into Entertainment Tonight?

ESPN2
Some sort of dog competition is on... If ESPN is "The Worldwide Leader in Sports," does that mean ESPN2 is "The Worldwide Leader in Crap That Has a Competitive Element, But Definitely Is Not a Sport"?
I am fully expecting to change to ESPN2 at some point in my life and happen upon "The World Staring Contest Championship," complete with a timer in the corner of the screen, idiotic commentary, and pointless sideline reporting from someone serving more as eye candy than as a source of information.

MTV
Could it be anything other than a crappy reality show?
Nope.

A&E - CSI Something or Other
This is one of the best shows on television? Honestly?
The reenactments on When Animals Attack may have better acting.

ABC Family - America's Funniest Videos
Hey, a guy got hit in the groin and a fat guy fell over... Hey, a guy got hit in the groin and a fat guy fell over... Hey a guy got hit in the groin and a fat guy fell over... (please repeat for 30 minutes).

SciFi - Vampires Los Muertos
A movie on SciFi starring acting sensation Jon Bon Jovi and featuring a special effects budget that would trump most high school plays?
I take it all back. My cable is worth it.


---Please note: In the writing of this blog, several channels were omitted from my listing. This was not done with the intention of labeling these stations as homes of quality programming. A complete list of stations that contain a majority of quality programs will be included in an upcoming blog titled, "TV, in Six Letters."