Nicking Names and Baseball Games

The weather forecast for Saturday evening in Kansas City, Mo., currently shows a low of 30 degrees with possible rain/snow showers and winds near 20 m.p.h. If one were to conjure up an image in their mind of "baseball weather" odds are such conditions would not be imagined.

Nevertheless, this occasional writer will be at Kauffman Stadium, rooting for the Royals and wondering what the heck 'global warming' is. Upon hearing that, some people probably think I'm crazy, others think I'm stupid, and the rest wonder why the Drago* this matters. Well, you all have a point, but I'm still looking forward to it.

*The phrase "why the ..." ends so often in derogatory manner, but none of the uses ever really make practical or grammatical sense. As a result, it seems that anything could plugged in as the third word in the triad to make the same point. I figure using such an opportunity to pay homage to Dolph Lundgren's Rocky IV character is rather suitable.**

** In a tribute to Kansas City's own Joe Posnanski, The "Pozterisk" has made its way into "The Writings." What, you may ask, is a Pozterisk? Naturally, it's an asterisk, with a little dose of Poz... Or you could think of it as another way for me to lose track of any topic I may have at-one-time been referring to.

Anyway, despite the fact that those in attendance at the current Royals game - the night's feature presentation at the DL home theater - have the look of people who can't feel their extremities, the trip to "The House That Some Construction Workers Built" (trademark Derek D. Larson, 2008) is an anticipated one. It's a chance to see the 2008 Kansas City Royals, which is enough on its own... But it also marks the nostalgic return to powder-blue uniforms and provides an opportunity to check out the revisions to the stadium, including Crown Vision - possibly best described as a high-defintion video board that automatically draws a "holy Sorny*" response

*The rules that apply to "what the..." phrasing (as discussed earlier) have now been deemed appropriate by the Governing Board of "The Writings" for use in pairing with "holy..." as well. Those unfamiliar with "Sorny" should please refer to http://www.snpp.com/episodes/3F11.html

In continued browsing of Royals-related web sites, I've seen several discussions of nicknames for members of the roster. I like to think I've at least assisted in the nicking of a few names in my day, and will therefore offer up my best shot.

- Billy "Groundskeeper Willie" Butler - Another reference to The Simpsons. The reasoning? All Butler does is rake (for those yet again unfamiliar with references tossed out by the author, see http://www.doubletongued.org/index.php/dictionary/rake/ )

- Zack "Silent K" Greinke - Greinke's a quiet guy, the 'k' in his first name could be considered silent, and the kid strikes a few batters out... I never said these would be rocket science...

- Tony Pena, Jr. - "Pam" - There's a pretty simple joke about "no stick" involved with this one.


In other news, college basketball season has ended and the result was enough to make me wish Dr. James Naismith had never been provided access to peach baskets. Naturally, with my established rule of not allowing any school sits in a Kansas town that shares its name with a former Blossom actor and employing a fictional bird as its mascot to advance past the second round of the tournament, my bracket was doomed. The question follows: If, through some encounter with a wormhole or time vortex (forgive me, I have yet to complete A Brief History of Time, and thus have not fully familiarized myself with such time travelling terms) I could have known the future, would I have been able to live with myself picking Kansas to be the last team standing?

The answer: [refer to rules governing "why the..." and "what the..." phrasing discussed earlier, and insert term of choice here] no!*

*In effort to replace the phrasing "heck no" along with its belittling cousins, proper examples include: "buttons no," "neanderthal no," and "bovine no."