Monday, January 28, 2008

Gladiators in Our Country, and other things

As many folks know, American Gladiators recently received new television life. Gladiators had been dead since 1996, but NBC did its best Dr. Frankenstein impersonation and gave the show new life. As one who enjoyed watching the show on Saturday mornings during its original run, I naturally miss the nostalgia of Larry Csonka providing commentary and “Two Scoops” Berry becoming grand champion (I realize only three people alive have any clue what I’m talking about by this point). Nevertheless, I put in some time watching the program on Monday night (the second episode of the new iteration I’ve witnessed) and noted a couple of my favorite (read: most ridiculous) elements of AG08.

And down on the floor with the next contestant… Hulk Hogan?

As anyone who has seen Mr. Terry Bollea (how many “cool points” does knowing a pro wrestler’s real name deduct?) compete in the squared-circle (no, I don’t know how that term makes any sense at all) knows, the man who once played Thunderlips in Rocky III is a “Real American.” (He fights for the rights of every man)

Unfortunately, being a real American doesn’t make you a good host/sideline reporter. While Hogan still delights Hulkamaniacs around the globe by sporting his trademark blonde handlebar mustache and bandanna atop his bald dome, his attempts at interviewing contestants sound so scripted that I think the striking Writer’s Guild may have a beef with the show. It’s fairly obvious that Bob Costas would not make much of a professional wrestler, so I’m not sure why the Hulkster would be expected to be a talented reporter.

Of course, Hulk’s misgivings as an announcer would all be forgiven if he would just end every interview by telling the contender to says his-or-her prayers and take his-or-her vitamins.

Ridiculous names and gimmicks for the gladiators

Despite the fact that these events are (apparently) legit competitions, American Gladiators took a page from the former World Wrestling Federation’s book by attaching names and gimmicks to some of the gladiators. Granted, there are no evil clowns or angry dentists, but some of the characters come off as nothing more than delightfully stupid.

The most absurd of all these characters is a man who calls himself “Wolf.” Wolf sports a mane of wild brown hair, an abundance of facial hair, and insists on howling before and after his events. His look and actions are almost animal-like. It’s like he’s trying to come of as some sort of … coyote, or something.

Runner-up for the most incongruous name goes a woman who looks like the long, lost member of the von Trapp family, and whose favorite things include weight sets and dumbbells instead of raindrops on roses. For Gladiators’ purposes, despite the fact that her actual name seems to have no Norse connections, this woman is known as Hellga… You read no typo. Not only is this woman apparently a warrior of the Viking variety, but she also is evil enough that the depths of the underworld are actually spelled out in her name.


In other news…

I recently came across this link, http://www.wackyarchives.com/offbeat/caring-for-a-baby-101.html , which should be of great benefit to any potential (or current) parents out there. When in doubt, check the chart.

I have to think giving a State of the Union Address would be a huge confidence booster. Where else can you get ovations (often of the standing variety) after nearly every sentence you complete?

If you are viewing this via www.dereklarson.blogspot.com (sorry Facebook note readers, no luck for you) you may have noticed the new poll feature on the left side of the page. Take a look, vote (two votes at last tally… woohoo!), and let me know if you have any good ideas for poll questions in the future. I can always use the opinions of two different people for some good research.


Finally…

Obviously, there’s a huge game taking place in Bramlage Coliseum on Wednesday night. It’s not often that K-State attempts to break a 24-home-game losing streak against its in-state rival in a contest that features the No. 2 and No. 22 teams in the country (hard to believe, I know). The Wildcats are playing much better than they have in years, but defeating Kansas will still take quite an effort.

Can the Wildcats win? Absolutely.

Despite what national reporters may say concerning their infatuations with the Eric Gordons and Derrick Roses of the world, Michael Beasley is the best freshman (and probably best player) in the country. Disagree? Check the stats. It’s hard to argue with the No. 4 scorer and leading rebounder in the nation. Add Bill Walker into the mix (averaging 17 ppg in conference play) and you’re looking at one of the best forward combinations in the nation. The rest of the crew might not be names that strike fear in the hearts of many, but they comprise a team that has improved as much as a Guitar Hero player who discovered he’s been holding the controller upside-down.

Will the Wildcats win? … I don’t exactly have the most accurate record when it comes to written predictions. Then again, I've never tried including a hidden prediction (probably available to those reading at www.dereklarson.blogspot.com only)...

1 comment:

Nate said...

I've watched (almost) all of the Gladiator episodes. Wolf is creepy. The interviews are awkward even for me, the viewer. But I am still entertained, so no complaints from me. Also, whenever I talk about old gladiators, no one knows who "two scoops" is. My only conclusion is that they didn't really "watch" the show.

Also, thanks for the parenting advice. I'll keep it in mind for when I become a parent.

Man I hope we beat KU, I just don't know how we'll do it. The guard matchups are bad for us.