Monday, October 03, 2011

The Home-Buyer's Chronicle - Wrapping Up

I have a mortgage.


The phrase is exciting and terrifying; bursting with possibilities and
laden with responsibility. I now own a home (well, the bank does, but let’s
refrain from picking nits), meaning I can do whatever I wish with it. Do I want
to embrace my inner Tony Hawk and build a skate ramp in the basement (despite
the fact that you regularly exhibit the balance of an inebriated octogenarian)?
Done. Do I wish to devote an area in my backyard for nothing but creating grass
angels (snow angels itchy cousins)? Just post the sign. Do I think the
crawlspace would make a really cozy reading area? I’ve got extra pillows.


Though possibilities are endless, the lofty stack of papers that now
bear my signature could be a heavy burden. I’m legally bound to these payments
for 30 years, meaning I could potentially be writing checks for this home when
I’m 59. I’m responsible for everything in the home, meaning that if the water
heater ever bursts like a water balloon, I don’t have the luxury of simply
calling the landlord. In a nod to Vanilla Ice, if there’s a problem, yo, I HAVE
to solve it. The snake that has been playing hide-and-seek (thankfully it has
just been hiding so far… once it starts seeking, I have a problem) in my
basement won’t be hunted like an escaped felon by any maintenance guy. Either I’m
taking care of it (removing it from my home) or I’m taking care of it (adopting
it as a new pet, naming it after a sports figure, and patiently feeding it
crickets every night). It’s on me.


Now that papers have been signed, the For Sale sign has been removed
from my yard, and I no longer have to worry about a home inspector entering my
home while I shower (yes, these are the types of things I worry about), it
seems like a good time to look back at the things I learned throughout this
whole process; like a good time to pass on tips to future home buyers; like a good time to actually populate this blog with the sort of writing the title might convey... Novel idea, no? 


Whatever the case, I know one thing: I have a mortgage.*

*No, this does not mean I'll be charging admission for reading.


Anonymous said...

Is you should see cars driving by, not all of them will be stalkers. Some (at least one?) could be a curious blog reader wondering what your house looks like. Not to worry. We'll keep on driving. :)

Derek D. Larson said...

A drive-by? This neighborhood sounds dangerous already.

I understand that many who know me do wish to remain anonymous rather than admit to being my friend/enemy/acquaintance/sibling but feel free to stop in to visit/taunt/bear gifts/mooch food/attempt to disable my laptop in effort to keep me from ever writing again therefore saving the world from a bevy of horrible jokes that have yet to be published in this space.