Observations From the Air - Southwest Edition

This was written a few weeks ago, on a business trip, but not publicized until now because of (insert valid excuse here). Forgive the lack of postings in February, my only excuse is that there are fewer days in this month, which makes it hard for me to take it seriously.


That's right, folks - traveling for work means more astounding airport action, which in turn means plenty of time for the thoughts that claim residence inside my head to run amok. What adventures will Derek encounter this trip? Read on...

2-11-08, Kansas City to Tucson

Good news - while waiting for my flight to board here at Kansas City International, I just made eye contact with one of the most attractice girls I've ever seen. We're talking absolutely gorgeous. Naturally, 43 seconds later some guy who looks like be belongs to the cast of "The Hills" came up and gave her a kiss... I now despise that show more than ever. Oddly enough, no more than 2 minutes and 19 seconds later, a TV in our Southwest gate 33 waiting area played a commercial featuring the theme song from the aforementioned, now exceedingly despised show. At this point, I'm getting worried about the prospects of this trip, since it seems that even my good friend television is turning against me.

Later, on the plane...

Good news - Southwest laughs in the face of those with peanut allergies and provides the little bags of peanuts anyway. Not only that, but my traveling companion has no interest in the tiny bag of deliciousness that she was given (which contains neither peas, nor nuts... think about it) and handed it to me. For those of you keeping score, I now have in my possession two bags of peanuts, despite the fact that I was completely lacking in the "package of generic peanuts" department when I awoke this morning... This is what we in the business refer to as positive peanut profit. It's the true goal of any trip.

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Thanks to a short stop in Albequerque, I've had time to learn a little Spanish (salida means exit, or so I gather from the bilingual signs at the front, middle, and rear of this aircraft. I've also done a little browsing in the Skymall catalog. I have a theory that the folks at Skymall are the ones who insist that alcohol be available when traveling by air. That's not to say that I don't need a "Voice-Activated R2-D2" or a "Bigfoot - The Garden Yeti" sculpture, I just might need a few glasses of something pretty strong befor I realize it.

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2-13-08, Tucson to Las Vegas

It is 6:30 a.m., the sun has yet to rise, and I'm on a flight out of Tucson. What have I come away with from my short time in the Arizona sun? Well, I've been treated like a VIP everywhere, visited a spot that John Wayne filmed movies, participated in a Tequila toast, eaten a meal that may have been more expensive than my weekly food budget, and learned more facts about cacti than any person who lives in the Midwest should know (are you aware that the barrell cactus grows leaning to the south 90-percent of the time?). Sure, there are other details, but who is here to hear about work?

2-13-08, Las Vegas to Kansas City

Unfortunately, my attempts at hitting a big jackpot in the LV airport and coming back to Kansas a rich man went unfulfilled. My time spent "gaming" was so unfruitful that the most exciting part may have been when the attendant monitoring a section of the slots asked to check my ID... Exciting stuff.

Making a special gues appearance on this flight - and sitting directly across the aisle from me - is a young man who seems to be the lead in an air-one-man-band. At our curising altitude of 28,000 feet, I've had the opportunity to witness this guy perform solos on the air guitar, air drums, and what appeared to be the air keyboard (a rare happening). He has also tossed in a little air dancing, and I can't believe I'm getting this show for free (and that I've been able to keep from laughing out loud).

This kid has talent. Granted, he may not be up to par with a group of young kids that formed an air band in basement back in the 80s (their rendition of "Wipeout" was amazing (this is a pretty obvious insider's inside joke... sorry for those who may be confused)), but he's still pretty good.

I may have to request an air autograph.