This Week in Sports - Nov. 15-21

Zack Greinke Wins the AL Cy Young Award
The national media recognizes what most local folks already know: Zack Greinke was the best pitcher in the American League last season. Greinke made several hitters look like they were swinging pool noodles while at the plate this year, and for that he wins baseball's top pitching honor*. He's the first Royal to win the Cy Young since David Cone in the quasi-season (read: strike-shortened) of 1994. Greinke is also the first Cy Young winner to say that he had not been thinking about the award lately because he was busy playing World of Warcraft. How can someone (aside from opposing batters) not love this guy?

*The Cy Young narrowly edges out Royals Pitcher of the Year as the top award for a pitcher in baseball.

Astute readers might wonder why awards like the Cy Young are just now being presented when the baseball regular season finished 44 days ago. The answer to such a query lies in the fact that votes are not certified unless they are first sailed across the Atlantic and then mushed through the course for Alaska's Iditarod. Upon completion of such tasks, Snowball the sled dog will lick (if you're lucky) your ballot*.

*Ballot submission is completed by burying the ballot in the outfield at Wrigley Field, all while angry Cub fans curse about your mother, douse you with beer, and zing batteries at you in attempt to make you lose track of what you're doing.


Dwayne Bowe is Suspended for Using a Substance Banned by the NFL
What this means: The Chiefs will lose to the Steelers this Sunday by 31 instead of 24. Bowe is the Chiefs' best receiver, but such a title is akin to being called the Least Terrifying Raiders fan. They're all folks you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley*. In the grand scheme of things, Bowe's suspension means very little for this team.

*Note: The Writings do not condone going into dark alleys at all. Nothing good ever comes from a dark alley. If you really need to venture into an alley, wait until daytime. The Writings: We're Here to Keep You From Getting Jumped by Thugs, Ninjas, or Mutated Rats.

I apologize. I'm supposed to be an optimistic fan, but the Chiefs of recent seasons seem be the kryptonite to my super-optimism. At times, I wonder if I'd trust the organization to draft my fantasy football team.


Dolphins Running Back Ronnie Brown is Out for the Rest of the Season
This news, dear readers, is devastating. You see, my fantasy football team - Get Off of Mike Cloud - is already on a losing streak that threatens to eliminate me from playoff contention. That streak continued last weekend thanks in part to Jaguars running back Maurice Jones-Drew making a selfless play and taking a knee to waste time off the clock when he could have scored a touchdown. His act helped his NFL team win, but it cost GOoMC six fantasy points... I lost by three. It seems Mr. Jones-Drew values his spot on the Jaguars' roster (and the checks they pay him) more than the spot on my roster (and the fact that I'm willing to pay him in shout-outs from The Writings... Go get'em, Mo!)

WARNING: FANTASY FOOTBALL ANALYSIS AHEAD
Brown's injury presents me with quite a predicament. He was my No. 2 running back. Now, my options to replace him are Buffalo's Fred Jackson (who has barely been worth a roster spot since starter Marshawn Lynch returned from suspension; however, there's talk that he could assume a greater role if the Bills choose to embrace the Wildcat offense), Indianapolis' Donald Brown (who was threatening to take the load of the carries from starter Joseph Addai, but then suffered an injury) or one of three players on the waiver wire: Atlanta's Jason Snelling (in for an injured Michael Turner), Washington's Ladell Betts (in for an injured Clinton Portis) or Seattle's Justin Forsett (in for an injured Julius Jones).

Best case scenario: Jackson becomes Buffalo's Ronnie Brown, and Donald Brown runs so well coming off his injury that the Colts have no choice but to give him carries. GOoMC ends its losing streak, zips through the playoffs, and leaves me in position to gloat about my championship once the season is over. Also, people don't pity me for putting this much thought into fantasy football.*

*If I ever need to write an essay on why I'm single, I might just copy and paste this section about fantasy football... They'll get the message.

Worst case scenario: My running backs continue to stand on the sidelines. My free agent pickup is injured. Donovan McNabb decides to leave the country. Maurice Jones-Drew thinks that he should start kneeling the ball every time he touches it. Roddy White is attacked by an actual falcon, which proceeds to bite 6 of his fingers off. The Steelers' defense goes on strike. GOoMC scores 14 more points the rest of the season and misses the playoffs; I suffer much taunting as a result.  I suffer much taunting for putting this much thought into fantasy football. My family buys me a CD titled "Your Neighbor's Greatest Hits" for Christmas.

The Raiders Bench Quarterback Jamarcus Russell
This week in "moves that should have been done five weeks ago."


To be continued...

Gone-zalez

When the Kansas City Chiefs finished the 2008 season with just two wins, it was obvious that change was on the way. As a fan of KC's professional football team, I simply hoped this change wouldn't involve any desperate measures. I wanted to see a plan in place; to see the team pursue personnel with the future in mind, rather than going for an Air Bud: Golden Receiver* quick fix. To this point, new general manager Scott Pioli has taken steps in that direction. He brought in a young coach who could have a bright future in Todd Haley. He traded for a young quarterback that could very well be a "franchise" signal caller, Matt Cassel.

*The Writings: Your source for references to movies no one has ever seen.

With these additions, plus a few veterans added for good measure, they had already done enough to prove competitive in a weak AFC West. It seemed that a quick fix could actually have KC competing for a playoff spot next season. Perhaps Air Bud (or even Gus, the mule that kicks field goals) might not be a bad move, I thought.

Today, Pioli proved that he has the future in mind.

In trading tight end Tony Gonzalez to the Atlanta Falcons, Pioli has cemented the idea that this team is going in a new direction. Gonzalez, a 10-time Pro Bowler, was by far the most identifiable player on the roster. Mention the Chiefs to an average fan in Green Bay or Cincinnati and, odds are, they would not be able to tell you that Tyler Thigpen was under center, that Jarrad Page was roaming the secondary, or even that KC Wolf was pounding his head against the uprights.* They would be able to tell you about Gonzalez, though.

*He does look a bit raccoonish, after all.

One of the greatest tight ends ever, Gonzalez was a force opposing defenses had to develop new gameplans for. Cover him with a linebacker and you were toast; with a defensive back and you had to deal with his remarkable strength. Also a basketball player while at the University of California, TG went after every pass as if it were a rebound up for grabs. After working through the dropsies in his first couple seasons, he became one of the best receivers in football. He was named 1st-team All-Pro (or the best tight end in the league) five times in a 10-year span. He led the NFL in receptions in 2004, is sixth among active receivers in touchdown receptions, and has broken just about every all-time receiving record that exists for NFL tight ends. If the Chiefs were successful, he was involved.

Now, he's gone.

In return, the Chiefs receive a 2010 second round draft pick from the Falcons. It's a move that shows a commitment for the future, but I have to wonder what it means for the present. I'm a strong supporter of the idea that a quarterback, especially a young quarterback, needs a safety outlet - a receiver they are comfortable with; a receiver who can seemingly read the QB's mind and be depended on to come up with a difficult catch when the quarterback is under pressure. Gonzalez was the ultimate example of this. He seemed to bail his quarterback out with a catch in traffic every other possession. I think Damon Huard may have been considering making Tony a friendship bracelet for this very reason in 2007. In 2009, while Gonzalez is quickly becoming Matt Ryan's BFF in Atlanta, Tom Brady's former understudy Cassel may be presented with the option of either taking a sack or heaving the ball downfield to Brad Cottam or Jeff Webb. I'm not sure which is the least painful option.

As is the case with most Writings, I'm sort of rambling with no real direction and I'm making little sense. In this case, it fits perfectly, as I'm trying to decide if this move by the Chiefs shows any direction and makes any sense.

Those in favor of the trade will argue that it's best to put the past behind us. The Chiefs never won a Super Bowl, or even a playoff game, with Gonzalez at tight end, so his absence can't be that devastating. He's getting old - in football years - and is eating up salary cap space. Succinctly, he's not part of the future of the team. He's not part of the Pioli plan.

Those refusing to hang their red No. 88 jerseys in the closet will tell you that, despite the fact that he'll be 33 this season, Gonzalez is still one of the top offensive weapons in football. He caught 96 passes last year (good for 4th in the NFL) for 1,058 yards. Sure, the Chiefs are bringing in a talented quarterback, but it's one that was sacked more than any other in the NFL last season, and the Chiefs offensive line isn't exactly a razor wire fence when it comes to protection. He could use a receiver as reliable as Tony. Beyond football, Gonzalez was a great representative of the team in the community. He participated in outreach programs and charities and was not one to have his name appear in the news for negative reasons.

With the trade finalized, there's seemingly little I can do about it. (Oddly, we at The Writings do not have veto power of NFL transactions... yet.) The move seems to make sense for a rebuilding franchise, and there's really no better time for rebulding than when you're coming off a season where you won slightly more games than a team of directionally challenged howler monkeys might.

It makes sense, but is it the right move?

Uhh... Next question please.

Wheeling and Dealing (minus the "wheeling")

In 2004, the Kansas City Chiefs drafted Junior Siavii and Kris Wilson in the second round of the NFL Draft. In two seasons with the Chiefs, Siavii started as many games at defensive tackle as the Geico gecko and accumulated slightly more tackles than most place kickers. Meanwhile, Wilson - once touted as the secret weapon in KC's offense - never totaled more than 24 receptions or three touchdowns in a season. These numbers leave a bit to be desired for second-round picks in the NFL. In fact, you may feel as if you could have drafted better by drawing straws and then throwing them like darts at names of potential draftees in a hat... You may be right. Unfortunately for you and your straw-slinging skills, you won't get the chance to test that strategy with the Chiefs 2009 second rounder.

Alas, six total wins over a span of two seasons can lead to drastic changes. With Scott Pioli and Todd Haley at the helm, the NFL off-season has already seen the Chiefs pick up a probable starting quarterback* and probable starting linebacker. The price paid for these two new pieces? One second-round draft pick. Not too shabby. In fact, the deal seems like near larceny.

*Todd Haley may say there's going to be an open competition for the quarterback position, but I may volunteer to chew some steel wool if Mr. Cassel is not under center when the Chiefs open the season.

Sure, the Patriots may have been looking to cut Mike Vrabel if he hadn't been dealt (my theory), and sure, Matt Cassel* may only have one solid season as quarterback in his post-high school resume (seriously, he never started a game at USC.), but two pick up both players for a single second-round pick is not even a possibility I might have suggested to friends for fear of being laughed at.

*Congratulations go to one particular reader, who predicted that the Chiefs would land Cassel once Pioli wound up as the GM. If only he'd had me write it down earlier... then I could take credit for it.

With two holes filled, where do the Chiefs go from here?

Remember that point from earlier (this is how we at The Writings test reader comprehension) about how the Chiefs have totaled six wins over the last two seasons? That pretty much serves as permission to make changes anywhere and everywhere, and don't be surprised if that is the case. When commenting on the talent of the current Chiefs squad, Haley's remark was "I know we have a pretty good punter right now." That's good news for Dustin Colquitt, but not exactly a ringing endorsement for the rest of the members of the roster.

With that said, I think it's probably time for a few predictions... And how can I argue with myself?

(Please keep in mind that these predictions are made with absolutely no inside knowledge whatsoever. Any predictions that wind up being correct are the result of sheer luck, or possibly just evidence that one of my ancestors was a fortune-telling gypsie.)

- The Chiefs will find a suitor for disgruntled running back Larry Johnson, trading him for a fourth-round draft pick. Jamaal Charles and Kolby Smith will split carries in Haley's first season as head coach.

- A pair of other unhappy Chiefs, Tony Gonzalez and Brian Waters, will wind up sticking with the squad.

- The Chiefs will draft linebacker Aaron Curry with the No. 3 pick in the NFL draft to provide a pass-rushing threat for a team that totaled 10 sacks all of last season.

- Despite the fact that they have Cassel and Thigpen, the Chiefs will also draft a quarterback on the second day. Look for Pat White, Graham Harrell or Nathan Brown to end up in KC.

- In free agency, the Chiefs' signings will include wide receiver Shaun McDonald, offensive guard Derrick Dockery, defensive end Igor Olshansky, and linebacker Angelo Crowell.

- If the author does happen to get any of the aforementioned predictions correct, he'll refer to his uncanny foresight on several occasions in the future. If not, we shall never speak of this again.

You Win!

If you have ever seen the movie "Eddie," I'm sorry and I wish you could get 100 minutes of your life back.

...Wait, while that may be true (so true it's frightening) that's not the direction I meant to go. Let's try it again...

If you have ever seen the movie "Eddie," you witnessed some extremely horrible acting, and not just on the part of the basketball players pretending to be actors. Odds are you were tempted to begin poking at your corneas with Q-tips you'd lit on fire by the time the film was halfway through.

... Nope, that's still not the right route (although it's still scary true). One more time...

If you have ever seen the movie "Eddie," you probably thought the idea of someone earning a position with an NBA team because they won a silly in-game contest seemed pretty absurd. You may have even spat at notion (if you did, I'm truly impressed, since notions aren't exactly tangible). Whatever your reaction to the possibility of your average John Cupo'coffee (Joe Sixpack's cousin, fresh out of rehab) getting anywhere in the world of sports thanks to a little skill combined with a little luck, it seems the basic premise may become reality.

According to a Texas Tech fan site, the recent winner of an in-game field goal kicking contest may be lining up for extra points this weekend for the Red Raiders. He put a 30-yard kick through the uprights weeks ago and now he may be called upon to do the same against the No. 18 team in the nation (who shall remain unnamed).

As with most things I bother writing about, this provoked many thoughts in my head. Particularly, if this plan works out and the Red Raiders solve their kicking issues thanks to a simple contest, why can't this work for the teams I root for?

It's pretty obvious the Kansas City Chiefs have a problem at quarterback right now. They entered the season without a proven signal caller, they've just lost two mediocre QBs for the season, and they'll start a quarterback on Sunday who has thrown with the accuracy of a cross-eyed marksman who has had too much caffiene. But what if the answer to their problems didn't lie in free agency or the draft, but in a contest at halftime? Whoever can throw the most footballs through a tire from 10 yards out wins the starting QB gig.

... Oh, I forgot to mention that the contest participants will also have to avoid a constant barrage of 300-pound bags of flour while making their tosses, to get used to having no pass protection.


In Manhattan, it's tough to peg one single phase of the game as the issue plaguing the Wildcats, but tackling certainly isn't a strength. Sounds like it's time for a contest. Put the opposing mascot at midfield, and the first person to successfully bring it down with a mechanically sound form tackle (see what you hit, wrap up, shoot the hips through, etc.) earns the starting nod at inside linebacker the following week.


The Royals once invited a professional softball pitcher to spring training, so the idea of filling a roster spot with a contest can't seem completely ridiculous for the organization. While the boys in blue have no power to speak of on the roster, I think it would be a lot easier to address the lack of speed on the basepaths. If you've been to Kauffman Stadium in the last few years, you know the hot dog race (three people racing while wearing huge hot dog costumes) sometimes gets more of a reaction than anything that happens in the batter's box. Think of the added excitement when the winner is guaranteed a spot in centerfield the following game. The choice of whether they wear the hot dog costume or a baseball uniform for their Major League debut is up to them.


This contest idea may very well sweep the nation. It can even be applied to areas outside the world of sports. Areas like blog writing.

Sure, I've complained about areas in the world of sports that I find subpar in this Writing, but I will certainly admit there are things people find subpar about all of these Writings (writing, editing, and content come to mind). Thus, it may be time for the inaugural Writings contest. Naturally, I have no idea what the terms of the contest are, or what the prize could be. Submit your ideas, and you just might win... the opportunity to choose the contest you will later compete in.

The Cure for (or cause of) Football Fever

Every year around this time, my mind brims with optimism like a cup of coffee poured by a waitress with poor depth perception. As the football season nears, I begin to envision touchdowns and interceptions fueling my chosen teams to victories. The names on the rosters have never seemed to matter; this blind hope has always led me to believe "my teams" could compete for championships.

Apparently things change as you get older.

For the first time I can remember, I am markedly concerned about the chances at success for both the Kansas City Chiefs and Kansas State Wildcats. Why is this the case?

Maybe it's the pessimism that comes with being closer to 30 than 20.

Maybe it's a vicious symptom of hayfever.

Or, maybe it's the fact that the two teams combined to go 9-19 last year.

Whatever the case may be, the squads are prime for examination.


The Chiefs

We'll begin with the more depressing case. How rough are things in KC right now? The Chiefs will use the fourth and final preseason game - a contest where the starters are normally on the field about as long as the Star Spangled Banner performer(s) - to actually determine who should be playing in the opener.

Things are so loopy that the Chiefs signed a veteran kicker in attempt to settle the position battle, but released him one day later.

Kansas City is set to start a quarterback that has never won a regular season game, a wide receiver that caught 18 passes last year, and an offensive line that created as many holes in the last preseason game as a quadriplegic mole.

Thankfully, on the defensive side of the football, the Chiefs have a legitimate playmaker who opposing teams need to prepare for in their gameplans... No, wait, he's now in Minnesota.

Because I don't think I've ever written anything as negative as this brief overview (at least they can't really under perform when compared to that dissection), it's probably time to move on (and it may also be time for counseling).


The Wildcats

What is there to say about the 2008 Wildcats?

... No, really, what is there to say? I really have no idea.

The team finished last season on a very disappointing note, dropping the final four games of the season when only one win was needed to earn bowl eligibility. Nevertheless, the team that takes Wagner Field on Saturday will have a significantly different feel. Different because a number of players expected to play significant roles in 2008 played as many snaps for the 2007 Wildcats as Kermit the Frog.

On the most recent depth chart, the Wildcats have three players listed at runningback. The three backs have combined for exactly zero carries in Division I football. Is this a sign of impending doom?

No. But it is a concern.

The number of junior college players the Wildcats brought in this season has been discussed endlessly. Will the class be the Wildcats' key to success? Will it be a crippling thwack to the program's spine that sets the squad back five years? Will it fall somewhere in middle ground?

I'd bet on middle ground, but who can be sure?

It's true, several of the JuCo players have impressive stat lines and come highly touted, but I can think of an ever-expanding list of players that arrived under similar circumstances only to ultimately make little impact. Then again, the Cats pulled Michael Bishop, Darnell McDonald and Jeff Kelly from the junior college ranks in 1997.

I want to get back to feeling positive, and spirits haven't been much higher around the Little Apple than when that '97 class was roaming the turf.

It's settled. I'm going to repeat "It's the class of '97 again" over and over while watching the following video (linked for the Facebook folk). Feel free to do the same if you need a pick-me-up.

Kansas State v. Nebraska 1998




Now I think I'm ready for some football.

Lessons Learned

It's Saturday evening, and I'm in the midst of watching the Chiefs look particularly feeble in a preseason match up against the Miami Dolphins (yes, the same Dolphins that won just a single game last season). Naturally, I need something else to occupy my thoughts.

Today also marks the second-to-last day of my "vacation," as I return to the office on Monday. (Insert chorus of "boooooooo"s here.) With that in mind, I figured I should try to sum up things that I've learned over the past few days.


From the Olympics:

- Team handball is an excellent spectator sport.

- Platform diving is not.

- Marathon runners are shameless litterers. Sure, you're running a race, but can't you at least look for a recycling bin to toss that water bottle into?


From Mother Nature:

- Mind melting heat is not the only downside of the summer months. Even when it's not present, hordes of allergens can make you long for late October. (Notice I didn't mention looking forward to winter... You're still on my list, ice.)


From my calendar:

- I'm older.


From my four-week old niece:

- Days are best spent sleeping, with occasional breaks for eating or getting cleaned up.

- Passing gas can actually be cute.

- Words are not necessary for communication. All that's needed are a variety of facial expressions, combined with sighs, grunts, and cries.

- Dressing yourself is for suckers.


From the Chiefs game:

- Offenses can't be run if the offensive line cannot block. (Crazy thought, I know.)

- If this game is any indication, I may need to have things other than football occupy my thoughts for most of the Fall.

Draft-y Day

"With the fifth pick in the NFL Draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select..."

In mere hours, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will begin a sentence with this very phrase (unless, of course, the Chiefs trade the pick... but that would render this entire opening moot, so I'm going to ignore such an idea for now). How Mr. Goodell ends this sentence is anyone's guess.

The Chiefs - a team so adored by its fans that the ending of the National Anthem is modified each game, just to remind everyone that the team resides in the U.S.A. - are in the process of "rebuilding," meaning the focus in developing young players and having your team success rely on how quickly the players improve. In professional sports, rebuilding can be a slow process, at times taking several years to see any sort of results (see: Royals, Kansas City; 1995-2008). It is because of these failures, that "rebuilding" can be viewed as a derogatory term by some fans (Holy rebuilding!).

The idea that the Chiefs plan to build a successful team via the draft is an interesting one, since the team's draft history isn't exactly one that you'd find in How to Succeed as an NFL GM (look for it on bookshelves soon). For every Derrick Thomas the Chiefs have brought in, there's been a Trezelle Jenkins (who's greatest impact for KC may have been giving me a spectacular bust to refer to in this very blog).

At this point, the Chiefs have 13 picks to use (or blow) in the seven rounds stretched over this weekend and my interest is piqued as to how successful (or failful ... I know, just go with it) the Chiefs can be with these picks. To waste time until my reaction to the Chiefs first pick is "YES," "meh," or "d'oh" we'll look at the Chiefs last 10 drafts and rate the picks using these genuine Derek reactions (for those of you confused by my scoring system, "YES" = a pick who became an All-Pro caliber player or who performed much better than expected for the slot he was drafted; "meh" = a player who was about average of what one might expect for the spot he was drafted... not anything to get particularly excited about; "d'oh" = a player that made you question whether the team had a chimp who was high on painkillers make the pick.

2007
YES - Dwayne Bowe (1st rd.)
meh - Turk McBride (2nd), Tank Tyler (3rd), Kolby Smith (5th), Herb Taylor (6th), Michael Allan (7th)
d'oh - Justin Medlock (5th)

It's pretty early to be judging such picks, but at this point, Bowe looks to be a star receiver in the making. Turk and Tank will end up in the d'oh category if they don't develop into players the Chiefs can depend on inside. Medlock fits well in the d'oh category, since that was my response to nearly every one of his kicks while he wore a helmet with an arrowhead on the side.

2006
YES - Jarrad Page (7th)
meh - Tamba Hali (1st), Bernard Pollard (2nd), Brodie Croyle (3rd), Trey Stallings (6th), Jeff Webb (6th)
d'oh - Marcus Maxey (5th)

Page gets top billing simply because finding a starting safety in the final round of the draft is not particularly common. Hali, Pollard and Croyle will all probably be starters when fall arrives, but they all have particularly weak points in their games (run defense, pass coverage and throwing accurate passes, respectively).

2005
YES - Derrick Johnson (1st), Dustin Colquitt (3rd)
meh - Boomer Grigsby (5th), Will Svitek (6th)
d'oh - Craphonso Thorpe (4th), Alphonso Hodge (5th), Khari Long (6th), James Killian (7th), Jeremy Parquet (7th)

Wow... It's nice that the Chiefs got two quality picks (yes, I realize one is a punter... but he was one of the few bright spots on the team last season), but rounds 4-7 were a little rough for the KC front office... Damn that chimp.

2004
YES - Jared Allen (4th)
meh - Samie Parker (4th), Kevin Sampson (7th)
d'oh - Junior Siavii (2nd), Kris Wilson (2nd), Keyaron Fox (3rd), Jeris McIntyre (6th)

Here's a draft the 2008 Chiefs may not want to reenact. Naturally, Allen was an excellent pick. Naturally, the Chiefs decided to give him away this offseason. KC's top pick in '04, Siavii, had 13 total tackles in two seasons on the roster. In other words, the 6-5, 336 pounder made a slightly larger impact than I did.

2003
YES - Larry Johnson (1st), Kawika Mitchell (2nd)
meh - Jordan Black (5th), Jimmy Wilkerson (6th), Willie Pile (7th)
d'oh - Julian Battle (3rd), Brett Williams (4th), Montique Sharp (7th)

This draft is deceiving. Mitchell has become a stellar linebacker, but it's been for the Super Bowl champion New York Giants. Johnson was drafted as an insurance policy for Priest Holmes, despite the fact that the Chiefs desparately needed an impact defensive player.

2002
YES - Scott Fujita (5th)
meh - n/a
d'oh - Ryan Sims (1st), Eddie Freeman (2nd), Omar Easy (4th), Maurice Rodriguez (7th)

Pardon me while I stick my hand in a paper shredder...

2001
YES - n/a
meh - Monty Beisel (4th), Derrick Blaylock (5th), Shaunard Harts (7th), Terdell Sands (7th)
d'oh - Eric Downing (3rd), Snoop Minnis (3rd), George Layne (4th), Billy Baber (5th), Alex Sufsted (6th)

You know what this mangled hand could use? A dash of salt...

2000
YES - Greg Wesley (3rd), Dante Hall (5th)
meh - Pat Dennis (5th)
d'oh - Sly Morris (1st), William Bartee (2nd), Frank Moreau (4th), Darnell Alford (6th), Desmond Kitchings (7th)

It's fairly obvious that looking at '02 and '01 have made me feel pretty generous. Wesley is a bit of a stretch as an All-Pro caliber safety, and Dennis was the most aggravating starting cornerback I've seen in KC... but he did start. Morris had a decent rookie season, but I think earning "solid first-round pick" status may require more than one successful season (I grade on a tough scale, I know).

1999
YES - John Tait (1st), Gary Stills (3rd)
meh - n/a
d'oh - Mike Cloud (2nd), Larry Atkins (3rd), Larry Parker (4th), Eric King (7th)

Again, I'm stretching. Stills went to a Pro Bowl, but it was as a special teams player.

1998
YES - Victor Riley (1st)
meh - Greg Favors (4th), Derrick Ransom (6th), Eric Warfield (7th)
d'oh - Rashaan Shehee (3rd), Robert Williams (5th), Ernest Blackwell (7th)

I realize that Warfield started for several years after being drafted in the seventh round - drastically outperforming the expectations of his draft position - but I cannot forgive the fact that he was given contract Monty Burns would envy while the Chiefs let Donnie Edwards walk.


At a glance, this seems to be a pretty depressing tally. But lets see what the final numbers add up to. In 10 years, the Chiefs have made 73 picks. A total of 13 of those picks have earned the honor of receiving an outstanding rating on the DL scale. The Chiefs have made 25 average picks during that time, with 35 picks making the author quiver in terror and/or agony.

Let's reiterate this point. A team that has essentially wasted nearly half of its draft picks over the last decade plans to construct a team via this very process.

Should I be scared right now?

Thoughts on the World of Sports

I have to admit something… The title of the written selection via electronic medium is a complete fallacy. Don’t get me wrong, you will read my thoughts… but they certainly don’t cover “the world” of sports. Athletic competitions popular overseas, like cricket (which doesn’t even involve actual crickets), soccer (a.k.a. human foosball) or rugby (a.k.a. self mutilation with a ball thrown in), will not be mentioned. In all honesty, several popular issues in American sports will also be neglected (sorry WNBA… Wait, I said “popular issues,”… Sorry again). Anyway, enough of will not be written about (NASCAR, boxing, equestrian and competitive dancing), on to the thoughts.

... and the worst coach in the NFL is… Norv Turner

So, A.J. Smith, does your former coach, Marty Schottenheimer, look so rotten now? Granted, the Chargers did blow it in the playoffs last season after finishing with a 14-2 record, but through four games, the Chargers have already lost three this season. Does a rough start to the season mean they guy is a horrible coach? No… It is what I saw Sunday against the Chiefs that means the man is a horrible coach.

If you didn’t have an opportunity to see the game, the Chargers had control early, with LaDanian Tomlinson (just the best running back in the league) evading the defense as if he was Pacman and the Chiefs were some odd-looking ghosts. Tomlinson had struggled greatly in the Chargers first three games, so a person with any sort of knowledge about football might have considered continuing to feed the ball to Tomlinson in the second half, in effort to hold on to a 10-point edge.

Instead, the Chargers attempted to attack the Chiefs through the air, something quarterback Philip Rivers hasn’t had great success doing this season (believe me, I have him on two fantasy football teams). Rivers threw a pair of interceptions, and had a fumble that was returned for a touchdown. Apparently Tomlinson is better carrying the ball than he is as a decoy. That sure is a crazy notion.

Concerning the Chiefs…

They have two wins in the first four games… How the heck did that happen? I’m still waiting to see Tony Gonzalez’s BFF pendant that Damon Huard surely has bought him, especially considering the prayer of a throw that TG hauled in for a touchdown yesterday. I only hope that Gonzo doesn’t get jealous of Dwayne Bowe, who is earning the title of BFF#2 for Huard. I’m not sure how he’s getting it done, but Bowe is turning into a touchdown machine and legit playmaker for Kansas City. I’m not sure what “it” is when it comes to the qualities that top-tier NFL receivers have, but, after four games in the red, it seems that Bowe is closer to having “it” than any KC receiver since Andre Rison and his Spiderman act… Now he just needs a female hip-hop artist to burn down his house (confused? See http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1355/is_n8_v86/ai_15547822. I love referring to things from 13 years ago).

The Bell Era Ends

It is over.

Buddy Bell has managed his final game as a Kansas City Royal.

With his departure, and the arrival of a new manager, what can the Royals expect? Consistency in lineups? Willingness to play young players while in a rebuilding process? A refusal to let a player batting under .150 play in over one-third of the team’s games? Anything is possible…

This could be a very big off-season for the Royals. A few moves that work out half as well as the trade for Brian Bannister last off-season, then KC will be in good shape. 2008 could actually be the year the Royals approach that mid-division finish I’ve been predicting the last three years.

As for the sliver of an inkling of a rumor that Barry Bonds might be headed to KC… no. Just say no. It makes no sense to bring an over-the-hill, egocentric player into a clubhouse filled with young players. He’d be the best hitter on the team, sure. I won’t argue with that, but this won’t happen.

My predictions are normally correct as often as my attempts in a Chinese spelling bee (“Uhh… that letter that looks like a tree in a box?”), but I’ll still lay down a few for the upcoming months… David DeJesus or Joey Gathright will be traded in a deal for a starting pitcher. The Royals will deal for a young player with power to play left field. Someone with ties to the Atlanta Braves organization will be hired as manager. Finally, Jason LaRue will be back in the Royals clubhouse. He won’t be employed, mind you, but he’ll be back to keep Buddy company in whatever role he holds.

Hooked Horns

Watching K-State manhandle the Texas Longhorns was oddly reminiscent of some Wildcat teams of former years. The kick and punt returners are legitimate threats to make plays every time (Aaron Lockett and David Allen then, Deon Murphy, James Johnson and Jordy Nelson now). The defense has speed everywhere, and can pressure opponents into mistakes (see K-State defenses from 1996-2003). The offense achieves success off a basic formula (Bishop/Roberson years used the option, 2007 Wildcats build off short passes).

Am I saying the Wildcats are back to being the force that we grew accustomed to in the late 90s/early 00s ? That’s a bit presumptuous. Have I been impressed by their play and pleased by the way they have exceeded my expectations? Absolutely.
The key is going to be not suffering a drop off in performance with the Jayhawks coming to Bill Snyder Family Stadium on Saturday.

A Listing Impression

The recent announcement of Damon Huard as the starting quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs was not a much-anticipated event in my household (is that the right term for a single guy in an apartment? Apartmenthold? Bachelor pad... hold?). In all actuality, it has brought forth a somewhat crippling depression, which may take weeks to recover from. Nevertheless, I am opposed to pessimistic tendencies, and therefore refuse to focus on negatives.

As a result, I decided to come up with a list of things that I have less confidence in than a Huard-led NFL team. With my mind in “list-mode,” and rankings becoming the rage these days (watch for Best Damn Sports Show’s Top 50 Inane Comments By Best Damn Sports Show Personalities, coming soon on Fox Sports), I went ahead and came up with some other lists, as well.

Please keep in mind that all lists were compiled by a top-notch staff (rabid muskrats wearing eye-patches) using the most sophisticated methods modern technology can offer (a pre-owned game of Connect Four). On to the lists…

Five things I have less confidence in that a Huard-led NFL team
5. Buddy Bell’s ability to make sensible managerial decisions on consecutive days.
(Ooh, cheap shot. I know Buddy’s resigning at the end of the season. Sorry, but the fact that Tony Pena Jr., was used as a pinch hitter two nights ago boggles my mind.)
4. My ability to flip through four national news channels without seeing a story on one of Oscar’s Ladies.
(If you’re confused by the Oscar’s Ladies term, please refer to previous blog entry.)
3. Jim Ross’ ability to get through an entire WWE broadcast without saying, “With God as my witness, he’s been broken in half!”
(… I mean, no, I’ve never spent any time watching pro wrestling.)
2. My ability to successfully maneuver a starship primarily used for smuggling through an asteroid field.
(A little Star Wars reference for two of the four people that read this. According to a certain gold-colored protocol druid, the actual odds of such a feat are 3,720 to 1… I’m glad I’m not a negative person.)
1.A Josh McCown-led NFL team.
(McCown is currently set to be the Oakland Raiders starting QB. See, things could be worse.)

Four least favorite Royals players of all time
4. Albie Lopez
(Plenty of things went right for KC in 2003… he wasn’t one of them. I’ve never had less confidence in a pitcher coming out of the bullpen. His 12.71 ERA may have had something to do with that.)
3. David Howard
(A reserve infield that couldn’t hit, couldn’t field, but had an uncanny knack for chewing tobacco. For some reason the Royals thought he could be their starting SS in 1996… he hit .219 for the season.)
2. Chuck Knoblauch
(The once-promising second-baseman followed up a sub par year in New York by racking up a .584 OPS (those of you unfamiliar with OPS, just beware that .584 is horrid) out of the Royals’ leadoff spot.)
1.Neifi Perez
(For Jermaine Dye? Honestly? I think that trade shortened my life…)

Three favorite moments from HBO’s Hard Knocks 2007
3. Any time Gunther Cunningham spoke.
(Sensitivity is definitely not one of his strong suits. He should probably be mic’d up for every single game…. Granted, games would then be rated M for mature, but who can argue with entertainment?)
2. Bernard Pollard’s dancing exhibition.
(I was fully expecting a member of the Chiefs roster to miss the next game due to a “getting served” injury (and if you haven’t seen that South Park episode, you have no idea what I’m referring to… I’m comfortable with that).)
1. Casey Printers’ reaction to getting cut.
(I wasn’t for Printers’ getting cut. I enjoyed watching him in the pre-season (aside from the botched snaps) and was pulling for him to make the squad. Nevertheless, his “Making chicken salad out of chickens***” reference nearly had me rolling on the floor. I just hope the Chiefs have some chicken salad ready for Sunday.)

Two things I really don’t understand right now
2. The NFL kicking off it’s Thursday night season opening game with the musical stylings of… Faith Hill? Is she attractive? Yes. Does her music echo from the ipod of the typical football fan? I’d lean toward the negative on that one. Next thing you know, the NFL will have Aerosmith, N’Sync, and Britney Spears perform at halftime of the Super Bowl… oh, wait…)
1. This – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-A-05wPlQQ4
(Honestly, I really can’t put my lack of understanding into coherent sentences. I’ve tried, but it all comes out in pops and buzzes. The “K – STATE” chant could work, but that is sans the video, music, and the Tarzan jungle yell.)

One Thing I know for sure
1. Despite any attempts at creating “new traditions, the Wildcats should roll over San Jose State this Saturday. Granted, my predictions are always horribly inaccurate (like an archer with glaucoma) but that’s never stopped me before. Cats win 41-10.

Stating the Obvious – Observations from a KC double-dip

I have two TVs hooked up just feet from each other in my apartment.

Such an idea may bring some sort of flashy set-up, the likes of which a professional athlete or a rapper might have, complete with a Scarface poster on the wall. I assure you, such is not the case. My secondary television (TV2, as it’s affectionately referred to in the DLBP (Derek Larson bachelor pad)) is a tiny 13-incher that may be as old as the freshmen preparing to attend K-State next week, and has a few quirks to it, as well (occasionally it doesn't turn off... big deal).

Despite it’s inadequacies, TV2 makes nights like tonight wonderful. The Kansas City Chiefs are seeing pre-season action on ESPN, while the Royals will battle the Rangers on RSTN. No channel flipping here, as I can now view both at the same time… and because I’m no slacker when it comes to pointless multi-tasking, I’m going to log the events of the evening, as well (and blatantly rip off a Bill Simmons idea in the process)… Sometimes I even amaze myself.

7:08 – Former Chief Trent Green starts out 0-2 passing, tossing one pass too short, and having the second dropped by his tight end… Missing Tony Gonzalez yet, Trent? Actually, despite his wearing of the uniform brought to fame by Ray Finkel, I hope Green plays well tonight. It’s hard to root against a guy who is probably the second-greatest QB in Chiefs history.
The third-down conversion is not successful, and the Dolphins punter gets some work… Get used to hearing that phrase this season, Miami fans.

7:11 – After looking inept on a play in which he was sacked, QB Damon Huard finds the aforementioned Gonzalez for a first-down… Huard and competitor for the starting spot
Brodie Croyle should probably both buy Gonzalez BFF pendants.

7:14 – Chiefs rookie kicker Justin Medlock misses his first field goal attempt in Arrowhead Stadium… meanwhile, Herman Edwards must be wondering if Morten Andersen has plans for the next few months.

7:17 – ESPN shows the replay of the hit Green suffered his concussion on last season. Yikes. I still think that should have a parental warning before it.

7:20 – My second-round fantasy pick in one of my three fantasy football leagues, Ronnie Brown, has picked up the last 3 first downs for Miami. Normally, this would provide me some comfort knowing he’s looking good for the upcoming season, but I just realized I am in three fantasy football leagues… I think they may have support groups for people like me.

7:29 – I realize that all may recent writings have focused on things I watch on TV… I do other things, too… I swear… I work, I socialize… I even went grocery shopping earlier tonight…

7:32 – Huard has runningback Michael Bennett open in the flat on third down, but tosses the ball over his head… meanwhile, Herman Edwards may be searching for Rich Gannon’s phone number.

7:34 – Cleo Lemon steps in at quarterback for Miami, and thoughts of a dessert made by a TV card-reading fortuneteller spring to my mind. “Call me now for this wonderful recipe.”

7:36 – I realize it’s hard to convey a Jamaican accent via a written medium.

7:37 – The Royals game has now begun, with Esteban German leading off for KC… I love you, TV2.

7:41 – Dolphins kicker Jay Feely gives the fish (I know, they’re mammals… back off) a 3-0 lead. Does this mean the Chiefs’ offense is more feeble than the Dolphins’… oh dear.

7:44 – Two TVs, two commercial breaks at the same time. Don’t TV programmers realize forcing me to think for myself is dangerous?

7:45 – I wonder how many grapes I can fit in my mouth at once…

7:46 – Whew, the glory of televised competition has returned to both screens… Take it easy, brain.

7:48 – Damon Huard just threw a pass after crossing the line of scrimmage by a good three yards. Maybe Brodie Croyle should come down with a “stomach virus” so he can win the QB job by default.

7:51 – Mark Grudzielanek makes an eye-catching diving stop to retire a Ranger batter. He’s definitely the best second-baseman with 12-letters in his last name that the Royals have ever had.

7:57 – So far tonight, the Royals have outscored the Chiefs 1-0… If the Royals are still ahead at the end of the night, I may be worried.

7:58 – Lemon takes the lead in the “worst pass of the night” category, missing his intended target by a good 10 yards. With Croyle’s whirling-dervish interception from last week replaying in my head, I certainly won’t go as far as to say that he has the award locked up.

8:05 – Croyle starts his effort with three consecutive completions. Meanwhile, Herman Edwards may be praying that the young Alabaman doesn’t thrown an interception, so that he can name Croyle as the starter and handcuff a clipboard to Huard’s wrist.

8:08 – Chiefs receiver Chris Hannon jukes his way into the endzone, giving the Chiefs a significant edge over the Royals… Thank you.

8:11 – Former Riley County Falcon and K-State Wildcat Jon McGraw comes up with a special teams tackle and does not showboat, showing the superior character that often results from learning at both aforementioned academic institutions… I am certainly not above shameless plugs for my alma maters.

8:14 – After the Chiefs recover a Miami fumble and earn the opportunity to take a bigger lead, Croyle tosses and interception as the result of a horrible read in zone coverage…. Meanwhile, Steve DeBerg may be pondering whether his Tecmo Super Bowl-famed self has what it takes to make a comeback to the league.

8:24 – The Chiefs head to halftime ahead 7-3 before Stu Scott updates us on the latest in the Michael Vick saga… Did you know he was allegedly involved in some sort of dog-fighting ring? Apparently people are really upset about it, too. Yet another under-the-radar story, just like anything involving Paris Hilton, Britney Spears or Lindsey Lohan (I think I have less respect for myself for the mere mention of their names. Because of the acting prowess they show in the world of film, they’re now referred to as “Oscar’s Ladies”).

8:31 – I worry about the difficulty of conveying sarcasm via written medium before remembering that the posterior portion of the parenthetical statement from the previous timeframe is simply too ludicrous to be taken seriously.

8:32 – Baby-faced pitcher Leo Nunez gets Sammy “remember when you liked me in 1998” Sosa to fly out with two runners on to end the third inning. Nunez looks young enough to be pitching in the Little League World Series.

8:37 – I realize it’s pretty ridiculous for one to be talking about how young someone looks when the speaker has personally had his ID checked when purchasing an R-rated movie in the past calendar year… Did I mention I’m nearly 25?

8:40 – It looks like my evening may have just gotten a little longer, as the clouds in the Arlington area have decided burst forth with more moisture than the collective sweat glands at an overweight-and-hairy-nervous-guy convention in an Arizona facility lacking air conditioning. Needless to say, the game has been delayed.

8:41 – I realize that the aforementioned, hypothetical convention is one of the oddest situations I’ve ever typed out.

8:55 – I search for an adequate TV2 fill-in for the delayed-Royals game. The rerun of ‘Royals Insider’ that I’ve already seen just isn’t cutting it…. I swear, I do things other than watch TV… I read. Honestly, I do.

9:00 – Interviewed on the sidelines, Gonzalez says the Chiefs’ coaches will pick the QB that is “consistent and doesn’t turn the ball over.”… I check www.kcchiefs.com to see if the Chiefs have signed John Stockton or Jason Kidd to take snaps.

9:04 – Casey Printers is now at QB for KC, and the announcers speak of his main problem… fumbling snaps from the center. In the meantime, Printers looks sharp making athletic plays, and leading the offense to a potential field goal… I ponder how complicated it would be for a runningback to take snaps and then pitch the ball to Printers each down.

9:08 – Medlock misses his second field goal of the evening, a 38-yarder. As a result, I begin pondering whether Kathy Ireland really learned how to kick field goals for her “Necessary Roughness” role.

9:13 – The rain has subsided and the Royals are back on the field. On cue, a 6-4-3 double play ends the inning… I wonder if Grudzielanek could throw a football like that?

9:19 – Medlock lines up for a 34-yarder… IT’S GOOD!!! With that, the equipment manager on the sidelines sets his “ACME Jersey Name Unstitching Kit” back down.

9:26 – A Dolphin receiver makes an impressive one-handed catch, but the announcers are to wrapped up in a Vick conversation to acknowledge it… sigh… Meanwhile, on TV2, Ranger batter Frank Catalanotto strikes out and slams his bat against the ground… this is replayed three times.

9:30 – A Sportscenter commercial asks if the Vick case is overshadowing the NFL… As a former member of the media, I am aware that the media controls what you see/hear, and what stories become big (see Oscar’s Ladies). Honestly, it’s not a difficult concept. In reality, the commercial should say, “Is the Vick case overshadowing the NFL? Yes, because we’re shoving it down your gullets! Take that, suckers!”

9:37 – I know he’s competing against a bunch of guys that may not have jobs in a couple weeks (e.g., Miami’s 4th-string defense), but Printers looks sharp at QB… and he’s successfully received every snap. This kid may be going places.

9:39 – In a random crowd shot, an RSTN camera focuses on three cute college-age ladies in the Arlington crowd. If I had an award for cameraman of the night, the guy who shot that would get it.

9:40 – I try to figure out where in this world I would ever attain a Cameraman of the Night award to pass along at my own whim.

9:45 – Miami leads KC 11-10 with 16 seconds left, and Miami punting. As the Dolphins punt, Ron Jaworski says playing Huard at QB gives the Chiefs the best opportunity to win right now… The BEST chance to win? I contemplate whether I’d be able to survive a 0-16 season.

9:50 – Printers’ final Hail Mary heave falls incomplete, but he finishes the night 8-10 passing… A wave of depression falls over me, as I realize I currently enjoy watching the Chiefs’ third-string, no-chance-of-starting, quarterback more than the collective Bramon Cruard.

10:02 – Alex Gordon clears the right-field wall to tie the game at 2. With all the negativity that Chiefs’ game brought out, I realize I should probably end this thing on a high note, and the former-Husker probably just provided the perfect opportunity (I also realized I’m getting old, and I want to wind down the evening without a laptop resting on my thigh).

In closing, the Chiefs obviously have work to do, but I really don’t think they’ll go 0-16. The QB situation isn’t ideal in my world, but I also don’t earn millions of dollars for my decisions concerning the gridiron.

… Oh yeah, and I do other things…. Honestly!

Stating the Obvious - Observations while preparing to move

For an individual that despises the entire process of moving from one “home” to another, I sure seem to be doing it a lot. I’m currently in the midst of my third move in the last year-and-a-half, and I’m becoming fed of with the process of boxing up all my stuff, and then cleaning the area where the aforementioned stuff once resided.

What makes this move even more of a pain that most is the fact that I can’t even move directly into my new pad (apparently moving also makes me try to bring 60s terminology back into the mainstream). Thus, I’m packing things up and moving them to a storage unit, only to have the wonderful opportunity to move them again in a week when my new lease starts… I must be the luckiest guy in the world.

The one saving grace of this move is the fact that, once phase two is complete, I’ll actually live in a place that I’m not ashamed to have people visit. Don’t get me wrong, my current apartment has a certain charm (occasionally leaky ceiling, bugs roaming like it’s the rainforest, and about as much room as the Castle Grayskull I had as a kid… is charm the right word?), but the new apartment will actually have the initial appearance of being clean and decent. I’ll also have about a 42-second walk to work everyday, which is nice since gas prices have reached the point that they could put C. Montgomery Burns in the poorhouse.

In the meantime, while trying to avoid the inevitable cleaning that lies ahead (stupid oven… stupid shower), the Royals are occupying my time, with a re-examining of the “Lost” season finale during commercial breaks. Both are currently leaving my mind in a severe state of boggled-ness. Is Jack’s flash-forward the inevitable future, or just a possibility? How can the Royals be one of the hottest team’s in baseball over the last 10 games, but be behind to Cleveland 10-1 in the 7th inning (… actually, the answer to that question is probably the fact that Jorge de la Rosa remembered that he is, in fact, Jorge de la Rosa).
In other news, the Chiefs made an interesting move letting Trent Green basically hold a team-approved press conference, even though Green is currently as happy with the Kansas City front office as PETA is with Michael Vick and Clinton Portis. Think whatever you like about who is right and who is wrong in the whole Green-Carl Peterson feud, but putting Green in front of so many media members while peeved about his situation really seems to have done nothing but make the Chiefs appear to be poorly run and dishonest. No matter who you think should be under center for Kansas City, this situation is being operated about as smoothly as my teenage attempts at talking to girls I didn’t know… No, that is not a good thing.

Stating the Obvious - Recent Observations From the World of Sports

If, by chance, you read my previous post regarding the Kansas City Royals, you probably now are doubting my intelligence and/or my sanity. Naturally, I decided to tout their "strongest" points and predict relative success for the boys in blue. As if on cue, the Royals have opened the season with the worst record in the American League, and have had a better start to the season than just the Washington "lock for the first pick in the 2008 Amateur Draft" Nationals. Despite my eternal optimism, such bad fortune has not been surprising to many people.

What has been unexpected to nearly anyone who has even heard of the Royals is the way Kansas City has been dropping games. The starting pitching, which appeared to be a possible weak link at Kauffman Stadium, has been a relative strength. The $55 million-dollar man Gil Meche has shown "ace of a staff" stuff thus far, allowing just 12 earned runs in seven starts. Meanwhile, Jorge de la Rosa is tied with Meche for the team lead in victories, and is making the Royals' trade of Buddy Bell's old favorite, Tony Graffinino, appear to be a move of pure genius.

Despite some stellar performances from the starters, the Royals have been dropping games, thanks largely to bullpen collapse that rival history's greatest avalanches and an offense that has struggled to get as many hits as Menudo. Rookie Alex Gordon, the phenom talented enough to even receive comparisons to the best player to ever wear a KC cap, George Brett, has struggled from the start. Just 29 games into his young career, Gordon's batting average of .175, makes former Royal (and key component in one of the worst KC trades ever) Neifi Perez look like Tony Gwynn. First-baseman Ryan Shealy has opened the year hitting at a .113 clip, meaning he could double his batting average and still be considered disappointing so far. Even Emil Brown, who apparently has become his own personal PR rep, is batting below .200.

So once again, the time may seem right for me to hang up my Royals cap and start thinking about football season (... Bramon Cruard at QB for the Chiefs? D'oh...), but once again, I'm simply not ready to take that step. Chalk it up once again to delusion, stupidity, or blatant homerism, but there's plenty of time KC to get things going in the right direction. It seems the offense has no option other than improving. Alex Gordon will prove he belongs at the major league level. Recent call-up Billy Butler, who has raked like Groundskeeper Willie at every level of baseball, will be a threat in the big leagues (on offense, anyway). With the return of injured pitchers Luke Hudson and Octavio Dotel, the bullpen will improve, giving KC decent options beyond Joakim Soria and Jimmy Gobble (whose faces do not appear in the dictionary next to reliable).

The Royals are a young crew, with plenty of room for improvement. Despite what some may think, they will do so.

HITTING OTHER POINTS...

I've never the Chiefs' draft strategies, but I think they may regret not drafting Louisville runningback Michael Bush in the third round (not to mention ignoring cornerback and quarterback completely).

If anyone in televised sports history has gotten more screen time while he's just standing waiting to compete than Tiger Woods, I would be very surprised.

One round into the NBA playoffs (yes, the NBA still exists), both the teams that competed in the 2006 Finals have been eliminated... so who is going to take the top prize? The Spurs. Tim Duncan is the best player left in the playoffs, Tony Parker is quicker than a chubby man at a buffet, and they have one of the best clutch players in NBA history, Robert Horry. Who will they beat? They could top anyone in the East, but for the sake of argument, I'll say Vince Carter leads the Nets to the Finals, since he's in for a big payday as a free agent this off-season, if (when?)he opts out of his contract.

Oh, and apparently Floyd Mayweather beat Oscar De La Hoya in a boxing match. Odds are one or more of the 3,281 title belts floating around out there were up for grabs. Is it possible for boxing to become relevant again?

Lastly, a horse won the Kentucky Derby. It will now receive talk that it could win the vaunted Triple Crown, and will become the most beloved horse since last year's Derby winner. The horse will remain popular only if it wins the Triple Crown or injures itself going for it (at which point it will earn Mr. Ed popularity). Why is it that horses are the only animals that can compete in a popular sporting event? Can't we see a grizzly-bear eating competition or orangutans playing rugby?