These Are the People in Your Neighborhood - Quick Canadian Version, part 1

The kid in the line for customs that looks like a young C. Montgomery Burns*
You'll recognize this kid from the gigantic backpack he carries, which is so large that it may very well contain the Ark of the Covenant. As a result, young Monty is hunched over like Quasimoto. It's fairly obvious that the entire set of encyclopedias in his bag are more important than his posture.

*Mr. Burns of The Simpsons, for those who may be confused.


The old man in the line for customs with the eyebrows
Yes, I realize most people have eyebrows, but this guy has the kind that make you look once... twice... and then a third time, just to make sure you are not hallucinating. This elderly gentleman could best be described as having a a gray gerbil perched above each eye. The eyebrow hairs were longer than those atop my head, and the silvery drooping over each peeper had to impair his vision just a bit.


The cab driver so interested in telling the author about the town he grew up in that he looks directly at him, instead of at the car traveling 100 km/hour that is about 0.8 m in front of his cab
Picture the author smiling and nodding in polite fashion, while also gripping his seat's armrests so tightly that his wrists ache and his eyes exhibit a terror only seen in horror films... Welcome to Montreal, Derek!

And so it begins...

I'm heading north of the border; up Canada way. The big question is, what shenanigans will this business trip see me get tied up in?

Will my iPod get confiscated at the airport, because it contains the song "Mac the Knife"?

Will I get lost during a layover in Chicago, leading to comedic misadventures that are later turned into a feature film that flops at the box office, leading to the death of my never-aspiring acting/directing career?

Will I feel like a complete idiot every time someone begins to talk to me in French and I follow with, "Uh, yeah... Hello"?

Stay tuned...